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   Ryan Castellucci :nonbinary_flag: (ryanc@infosec.exchange)'s status on Wednesday, 22-Jan-2025 05:11:00 JST Ryan Castellucci :nonbinary_flag:

   OH: Cis people should be made to go to gender hearings where a group of trans people decide what their legal gender is.

   Of course, we know how shitty it is to be treated as the wrong gender...

   • Embed this notice
     Julius Schwartzenberg (jschwart@mas.to)'s status on Wednesday, 22-Jan-2025 05:39:18 JST Julius Schwartzenberg

     in reply to

     @ryanc I don't expect this to be similar in any way. As a CIS man, if somebody or some system would explicitly treat me as a woman, there would be more a surprise reaction.

     A transgender has likely endured misgendering for a relatively long period, to a traumatic extend and in all sorts of contexts.
     Misgendering will always seem much more emotional than for the average CIS person. I don't think I could ever imagine what a trans person feels in that regard.

   • Embed this notice
     Ryan Castellucci :nonbinary_flag: (ryanc@infosec.exchange)'s status on Wednesday, 22-Jan-2025 06:45:21 JST Ryan Castellucci :nonbinary_flag:

     in reply to

     • Julius Schwartzenberg

     @jschwart It is, in part, death of a thousand cuts, but beyond that, it is the banal cruelty of "we don't care" and "you don't matter".

     In other words, it is not, at least for me, the computer being wrong that hurts, it's being told that you're not who you know yourself to be, or worse, that it doesn't matter.

   • Embed this notice
     Ryan Castellucci :nonbinary_flag: (ryanc@infosec.exchange)'s status on Wednesday, 22-Jan-2025 06:53:19 JST Ryan Castellucci :nonbinary_flag:

     in reply to

     • Julius Schwartzenberg

     @jschwart In my case, I try to walk a razor's edge of androgyny. Sometimes people spontaneously refer to me in gender neutral terms. I once got "sir-or-mam"

     Little things can tip it one way or the other. I've had people switch which pronouns they used for me after I took my jacket off.

   • Embed this notice
     Ryan Castellucci :nonbinary_flag: (ryanc@infosec.exchange)'s status on Wednesday, 22-Jan-2025 06:54:15 JST Ryan Castellucci :nonbinary_flag:

     in reply to

     • Julius Schwartzenberg

     @jschwart "a transgender" is not great phasing, "a trans person" would be preferable.

   • Embed this notice
     Julius Schwartzenberg (jschwart@mas.to)'s status on Wednesday, 22-Jan-2025 21:44:58 JST Julius Schwartzenberg

     in reply to

     @ryanc thank you for pointing that out. Indeed not so well phrased, I edited it.

     It's impressive you are so strong and are writing about how things feel! I mainly wanted to express that for a CIS person without any doubts about their gender, any misgendering would unlikely trigger negative emotions even in the example you gave. It is easy to underestimate this gap between CIS and trans people and it also took me a while before I realized this importance around making pronouns explicit.