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   Ricki Crush Bandicute Tarr (rickitarr@beige.party)'s status on Friday, 22-Nov-2024 08:33:15 JST Ricki Crush Bandicute Tarr

   When you're unkind to children, they don't stop loving you, they stop loving themselves.

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     Human Ghostwriter (hg@beige.party)'s status on Saturday, 23-Nov-2024 08:02:35 JST Human Ghostwriter

     in reply to

     @RickiTarr

     I so wish I had gotten here sooner. I love my kids and I shower them with physical and emotional affection. I'm also completely ridiculous and, I am sure, very confusing to them. Also, being enormous and bearded with an all-caps voice is a strong headwind--they both seem to prefer mom by a wide margin.

     There are so many things that feel like they don't map cleanly onto kindness. I put my son in time out when he slaps me because I want to protect him from being the kind of person who thinks hitting is OK [he's also strong, and him punching me in the mouth is no fun for me], but that also requires manhandling him into his room, and he super duper hates it. I generally don't lie to my kids, but I play games with my son where I'm all "I'M GONNA EAT A BIG BOWL OF POOP!", and he says "dad! That's not poop! It's chocolate ice cream!" and I ask him if he's sure and tell him that I'll check by eating a great, big scoop, and he thinks it's really gross and funny. There's an implied lie in there. Kids have to do lots of things that they don't want to do, and I struggle so much with that. I feel neglectful and substandard a lot of the time, and I just hope they feel genuinely loved even if by a flawed person.