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   Charlie Stross (cstross@wandering.shop)'s status on Tuesday, 12-Nov-2024 18:32:38 JST Charlie Stross

   in reply to

   • Patricia Aas

   @Patricia @sotolf My experience as a man (which is very out-of-date: I'm 60) is that male-gendered behaviour is self-enforcing due to insecurity. Young men are *terrified* of each other, of being seen to be different and of being picked on. Being perceived as feminine is different. So to some extent masculinity is defined by excluding feminine traits. (Which is incredibly self-destructive.)

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     Patricia Aas (patricia@social.vivaldi.net)'s status on Tuesday, 12-Nov-2024 18:32:39 JST Patricia Aas

     @sotolf I have many times felt like the space for being “a man” is a lot more narrow for men than the space for being “a woman” is for women today. I can have long hair, short hair, wear dresses or pants, have nail polish or not, climb walls or read books, cook or drive a tractor. None of these things make me less of a “woman”. Some are considered more “feminine” perhaps, but there is plenty of room today for a woman to not be feminine. But if the band of “acceptable” expression is very narrow I can understand how it can be very frustrating to be berated for existing even there.

     I do think though, that it shouldn’t be that narrow. That the solution rather is to make being a man be wider. It seems very silly to force men to act out a stereotype.