@atomicpoet the thing that pains me the most is the fact that I have no idea what to do. I’m not an American and don’t live in the US so I can’t do much to help the good people held hostage by the fucked up system. Hell, I have trouble having enough energy to fight against the fascists in my own country as every it seems to be just a defeat after defeat with no real victories in sight. I don’t really fear for myself anymore even but for my kid, since I don’t want them to have to live in a country that’s constantly on the edge of total annihilation. What also pains me is the fact that I will probably not only be ever be able to give my kid the same standard of living that my parents were able to give me, it also seems quite likely I won’t be able to give them a world where peace is considered mostly a default.
I’m scared and I’m running out of hope and I don’t really know what to do and it sucks. I keep a brave face for the kid, I try to keep them in their happy childhood bubble the best I can but the world keeps trying to breach it at a constant pace.
I really just hope someone would take over and start changing things to the better. I’d love to be able to contribute to making it happen but until I can rally behind to some force that seems like it can make it happen, I’m too stuck in surviving and trying to make sure my kid at the very least doesn’t have to grow up too early and gets a good childhood to actually have the energy and resources to keep standing up with only the hope sustaining my resolve that others will follow.
And I mean I’m not even in any specific risk demographic. I’m a white cis-het man, I have no one out there trying to make sure my existence is illegal or something that should be ended. But I feel so fucking much pain and sorrow for those who are not in my position because I was raised to care. Sometimes in my darkest moments I start thinking that maybe it would all be better if I just was able to not give a damn about others but I just can’t. It’s cruel and evil, and I just cannot be that evil.
I’m sorry for writing such a long post and understand it might seem like a lot of whining and doomsaying. I’m just so tired of the state of the world and had to put it somewhere. Let me know if you don’t want to have this here under your post, I can delete it.