(Screams)
My.... microphone....has...been...lying... to... me...
I was getting frustrated that no matter what I did, I hated how I sounded recorded. To my ears I sounded fine, but the recordings were bad. Of course... we all know how that goes.
So, in my frustration I demoed my voice to my family... who all said I sounded good. I probed them and asked them to criticize it, but they insisted it was good. So I went back to my mic and tried it again... but this time I picked up on the fact that the thing I hated about my voice is the same problem I have with kick drums sometimes. It was boxy. I slapped some EQ on there and pulled down the midranges... BLAM! Good.
I then went and tried other microphones... Good.
So... I think my mic is overdoing midranges for some reason and TIL I learned that you can't trust your own ears for your own voice, but you can't always trust your mic either. Get proof-hearers.