Conversation

I feel like I need to introduce myself properly. Though, my views on privacy/anonymity may change, so there’s a chance I’ll delete it later, but nothing lasts forever anyway, so let’s go while I’m in a talkative mood.
So, I’m a xennial Ukrainian, currently living in Spain alone with my cat due to the war. I work in gamedev (don’t get too excited, nothing supercool, I am mostly casual games GD/PM).
I am interested in science, nature, books and foods. Love sci-fi.
Used to listen mostly to metal, mostly Northern European, but currently, while still find it beautiful, get overwhelmed with emotions too easily, so can’t listen to it for long, so mostly switched to very light music which was totally not my thing even a decade ago, let alone in my youth.
I have some mental health issues. Neurodivergent, though not sure of the flavor, probably AuDHD. Never went to be diagnosed due to availability, financial side and some lack of trust.
I don’t understand gender. Like, I don’t identify as any, I don’t think in terms of gender, I don’t get the need for one. To me, in an ideal society asking/assuming someone’s gender/sex would be totally inappropriate unless you’re going to procreate with that person, as anyone should be free to do whatever they want, to look however they want and to love whoever they want. So, AFAB, while I usually stay neutral online, due to my body composition, most of my looks IRL are usually considered extremely feminine by others.
I am pan/ace, I don’t know how to define correctly. Basically, I don’t feel spontaneous desire towards any people. I do feel horny in general, but I may channel it towards whoever I choose, sex/gender doesn’t matter. Same with romantic love: I’ve never felt it spontaneously appearing, but I can(and did) induce it towards chosen person, and feed it, and grow it up to the point of it taking over me and me concentrating all my being in that feeling. Sometimes I think I can’t love, sometimes I think it’s all I can.
Married, but currently separated due to the war.
Have an adult kid studying in another country.
I like humor that doesn’t hurt anyone. I love puns, and I think inter-lingual ones are especially cool when you have someone to share them with.
I love sharing foods, emotions and impressions. I believe that shared joy is doubled joy and sharing is caring.
I love eating nice things, cooking and baking, but my current apartment doesn’t have an oven, so I haven’t made a bread for two years(and it bothers me!)
I love fruits. I love walking. I love seeing new places, new biomes, new landscapes. I am not good at it, but I still like noticing birds, plants, bugs and everything alive.
I am afraid of weapons and everything military (always was, even before the war) and hate horror movies, but I find cemeteries calming, am not scared of macabric art(like it sometimes) and prefer big sharp knives at kitchen. Basically, I am not afraid of death, I am not ok with suffering. Though, I am generally a coward, I prefer safety and hate adrenaline.
I am quite socially awkward. I don’t know what is proper, what is appropriate, what is adequate. I usually can’t see where to stop. I may really love friendly social interactions, but I get overwhelmed easily. That may be a reason why I haven’t ever had any actual close friends. Or maybe I just can’t into friendships the same way I can’t love, idk.
I tend to overshare and regret

Well, I guess, it’s clear why I needed an instance with big character limit :)
#introduction