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   Ricki Yasha Tarr (rickitarr@beige.party)'s status on Sunday, 03-Mar-2024 01:41:36 JST Ricki Yasha Tarr

   Something I've noticed a lot lately, is that especially Boomer women, but honestly, women in general, don't seem to ask for what they want or need in a direct way. I notice this a lot with my Mom and her friends. Instead of just asking for what they need directly they tell a story, to ask in a roundabout way. For instance, my Mom needed help this morning, and Instead of just saying, "Hey, I dropped my remote, can you pick it up for me?" She tells a one minute story about what happened, no ask, and eventually I get the point, and then suggest that I come pick it up. Or if one of her friends wants to do something like have a birthday party for a friend, they don't say "We should have a party!" They say, It's Sarah's Birthday coming up, you know she likes surprises, what does everyone think we should do?"

   I often wonder if this is why older people think younger women are rude and demanding, because younger people often just ask for what they want and need in a more direct way. But also it's probably just straight up sexism, because men are supposed to make decisions, and women are supposed to make suggestions.

   What do you all think? Is this just me? Have you experienced something similar?

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     cuan_knaggs (mensrea@freeradical.zone)'s status on Sunday, 03-Mar-2024 01:41:35 JST cuan_knaggs

     in reply to

     @RickiTarr i don't know if it's the case here but it a very common response to oppressive/repressive/abusive upbringings. if they don't actually ask the question they won't get in trouble for it. and it tends not to go away

     clacke likes this.
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     Mary Hilton (fmhilton@mastodon.sdf.org)'s status on Sunday, 03-Mar-2024 01:41:40 JST Mary Hilton

     in reply to

     @RickiTarr I think some women are taught to be 'helpless' and a lot are not. I am not one, and I'm a boomer. Any woman who always depends on the kindness of strangers is a fool. Acting helpless is a psychological play by the emotional neediness of the person asking.
     That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.
     And yes, it is sexism and it is learned behavior. People should stop playing this kind of game. It benefits no one.

     clacke likes this.
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     Kit Rhett Aultman (roadriverrail@signs.codes)'s status on Sunday, 03-Mar-2024 07:45:26 JST Kit Rhett Aultman

     in reply to

     @RickiTarr First off, the way you end the post does have a certain comedy to it in light of the subject matter.

     Can't say my boomer mom communicates that way, but my partner and I are Gen X about a decade apart and I do see her do this a bit. Mostly in terms of less important courses of action, like going to dinner. I've had to learn that "So, what would you like to do about dinner?" actually means "I'd like to have dinner pretty soon."