Conversation

Notices

1. Embed this notice
   aGate to: peace and rest (uneporte@eldritch.cafe)'s status on Monday, 15-Jan-2024 23:37:28 JST aGate to: peace and rest

   I see people saying how masculinity is beautiful, or why you can be feminine and masculine, or why femininity doesn't mean being weak etc.

   I understand the rationale, but for fuck's sake I wish we could get rid of the words and concepts themselves, dynamite gender and sex as well and move on to more interesting things in our lives.

   Like... appreciating support or muscles or care or strength or confidence or voices or resilience or boobs or whatever without trying constantly fit every trait and behaviour in this small and unnecessary box.

   Masculinity isn't good or positive. Feminity either. The whole thing's a scam.

   • Embed this notice
     aGate to: peace and rest (uneporte@eldritch.cafe)'s status on Monday, 15-Jan-2024 23:37:23 JST aGate to: peace and rest

     in reply to

     In an ideal word, without gender and moral/legal restrictions about one changing it's body, one could freely experiment with their body, cherry-pick what they like, alter its shape or characteristics or behaviour temporarily or permenently.

     Maybe you want to experience testosterone for a couple years, or have bigger or smaller or no breasts, or a dick or a vulva or nothing of that, see how you look with facial hair, stay on estrogens because you like your smell more or don't like having spontaneous erections, or maybe a different hormones mix makes your period less invasive and painful and you need that.

     None of this is silly or luxury.

     If we have entire industries, markets and people dedicated to colouring and arranging our hair or hiding our wrinkles or crafting visually pleasing clothes or digging metals and stones from the earth to shape them and hang them on our ears or animating pictures on screens to tell stories or having special places to cook, serve and consume unusual food or producing drinks that make you feel dizzy or or building weird planks and buildings and infrastructure for people to slide down snowy mountains...

     And we also have helicopters, ambulances and healthcare professionals to fetch and care for the ones who slide down snowy mountains and broke their legs, drank too much, got an infection after piercing their ear or sick eating a bad meal in a restaurant...

     And everybody is okay with that.

     Then it's neither silly nor a luxury to have facilities and people and procedures and chemicals dedicated to people who want to feel better or differently in their body. Or change it.

     And we can do that without ever having to use the word masculine or feminine ever again.

   • Embed this notice
     aGate to: peace and rest (uneporte@eldritch.cafe)'s status on Monday, 15-Jan-2024 23:37:26 JST aGate to: peace and rest

     in reply to

     And in case you're wondering : yes, I did start a transition from man to woman, years ago, and it's not incompatible with the fact that, to me, gender/sex should be abolished entirely and thrown into the burning core of a supernova.

     Because feminity exists and because I was more comfortable with performing the traits and behaviours commonly associated with it than the ones of masculinity, I did transition.

     I do feel better in my body with less testosterone and more estrogens, or after some of the surgery I received. Of course, it did make it easier to perform feminity and that was a relief in itself.

     But when I'm alone, at home, and I don't have to perform, those changes in my body still suit me. I like the texture of my skin, or my vulva or the way estrogens helped me reconnect with my emotions, or reshaped some sensations.

     I'm so happy I had the opportunity to get rid of my Adam's apple. Always hated its shape and look and feel, way before I knew I was trans and wanted to transition. If I had been happy performing masculinity, I'd still hate my Adam's apple and want it removed. That was just dysphoria with a part of my body, not gender dysphoria.

     The fact all these changes feel good and improved my life even outside of gender performing settings have nothing to do with feminity or masculinity, even if they happened in part because of a need to perform.

     It's a question of body autonomy, not gender.

     Ryan Castellucci (they/them) :nonbinary_flag: repeated this.
   • Embed this notice
     aGate to: peace and rest (uneporte@eldritch.cafe)'s status on Monday, 15-Jan-2024 23:37:27 JST aGate to: peace and rest

     in reply to

     A scam we were born and raised in, a scam we have to acknowledge and understand and engage with, regardless of how we feel about it. Of course.

     Yes, many times, I have put on my happy-productive-employee mask on and pretend I'm so eager to interview for and join this tech company that raises an almost extinct birds species so that they can be hunted by rich and powerful people or that other startup that pretended to automate customer support. I will probably have to do it in the future regardless of my feelings about it.

     I also had to and will have to pretend landlords are nice and useful people and not parasites who make money of you because they had more money than you in the beginning. Did that to put a roof over my head.

     Just like I had to perform masculinity or feminity in most seetings, pretend I was happy about it, my whole life, to socialize and not be beaten, excluded, mocked or harassed.

     This I did and will do again, as most people, to survive, avoid or escape violence.

     Doesn't mean I have to actually celebrate the concept of bosses or employees or landlords or men or women. I certainly won't celebrate or pretend it's alright in my own head, and I won't put on a smiling landlord-capitalism-masculinity-feminity-friendly mask with others unless it's absolutely required.