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I'm reminded of the time when I was 16-17 and my dad basically restricted my phone access to an hour a day, never let me have a laptop that wasn't a school loaned chromebook, and made me have a panic attack where I contemplated suicide when he found out I was texting Squibbus, all while only seeing my mom for 2 days after 12 day cycles of absolute hell.

When I got accepted to take a course at a local tech school, it felt like I could actually breath without someone having an authoritative grip on my life breathing down my neck.

I was so disappointed when I flunked out of that class because I felt like I was set up for failure, I wasn't equipped to face that level of an almost complete unloading of control onto my person. Not at that moment, I am worried I'm still not ready for that level of responsibility, then again nobody is, but at the same time my confidence has been severely destroyed in my capability for self control.

I guess I'm just happy I'm able to sit at my computer desk for hours at a time, speak with my friends, and have a good time.

It all sometimes feels like it was all a bad dream and I sometimes have to remind myself that it did actually happen.

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