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   Noah S. McKinnon (nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party)'s status on Saturday, 25-Nov-2023 15:59:52 JST Noah S. McKinnon

   in reply to

   Éowyn, listening to Meriadoc, realizing she’s about to have to friendzone someone, *finally* understanding what that feels.

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     Noah S. McKinnon (nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party)'s status on Saturday, 25-Nov-2023 15:59:53 JST Noah S. McKinnon

     in reply to

     The lack of elementary physics education on Middle-Earth is increasingly a real cause for concern. I’m not talking about electricity, I’m talking about, like, fundamental laws of motion.

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     Noah S. McKinnon (nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party)'s status on Saturday, 25-Nov-2023 15:59:54 JST Noah S. McKinnon

     in reply to

     Gollum with the most unkindest cut of all: a burn that’s also a subverted rhyme.

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     Noah S. McKinnon (nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party)'s status on Saturday, 25-Nov-2023 15:59:56 JST Noah S. McKinnon

     in reply to

     • MagicIsTheCause

     @MagicIsTheCause is suggesting a retelling of these movies from everyone else’s point of view where it’s very clear that Aragorn just incomprehensibly mumbles his way through every scene and no one has any idea what he‘s saying, and I don’t have the time to do it, but it’s a fucking *great* idea.

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     Noah S. McKinnon (nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party)'s status on Saturday, 25-Nov-2023 15:59:57 JST Noah S. McKinnon

     in reply to

     The problem Gondorians had with defending against the Nazgûl is that they couldn't be prepared to defend against the Fellbeasts' voices, which I assume sound like conservative Christians screeching about their rights supposedly being taken away.

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     Noah S. McKinnon (nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party)'s status on Saturday, 25-Nov-2023 15:59:58 JST Noah S. McKinnon

     in reply to

     These movies really do Dwarves so incredibly dirty. There's an explicit acknowledgment that they already have to fight the forces of Sauron, and the implication is that they're doing so alone, and yet we care less about them and their lands than pretty much anywhere else in Middle-Earth.

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     Noah S. McKinnon (nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party)'s status on Saturday, 25-Nov-2023 15:59:59 JST Noah S. McKinnon

     in reply to

     GAMLING: "Too few have come. We cannot defeat the armies of Mordor."

     THÉODEN: "No. We cannot. But we will meet them in battle nonetheless."

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     Noah S. McKinnon (nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party)'s status on Saturday, 25-Nov-2023 16:00:00 JST Noah S. McKinnon

     in reply to

     The problem is that I can't watch Karl Urban and not try to refit all his lines into parodies of that time he said "are you out of your Vulcan mind" and pronounced the "Vulcan" so close to "fuckin'" I had to check what the movie's rating was.

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     Noah S. McKinnon (nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party)'s status on Saturday, 25-Nov-2023 16:00:01 JST Noah S. McKinnon

     in reply to

     THÉODEN: "More will come."
     ARAGORN: "Every hour lost hastens Gondor's defeat. We have until dawn, then we must ride."

     Note that being told he's likely to ride into a battle that will end with his useless death at the hands of the forces of Mordor does absolutely nothing to dampen Théoden King's spirits. I love this man.

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     Noah S. McKinnon (nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party)'s status on Saturday, 25-Nov-2023 16:00:02 JST Noah S. McKinnon

     in reply to

     There it is! The most graphic death a tomato has ever suffered on camera.

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     Noah S. McKinnon (nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party)'s status on Saturday, 25-Nov-2023 16:00:03 JST Noah S. McKinnon

     in reply to

     All’s well that ends well, but this movie comes close to saying that Gandalf entrusted the Ring to the wrong fucking Hobbit.

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     Noah S. McKinnon (nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party)'s status on Saturday, 25-Nov-2023 16:00:04 JST Noah S. McKinnon

     in reply to

     She could also kill the Witch-King of Angmar, and I have no doubt that she would.

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     Noah S. McKinnon (nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party)'s status on Saturday, 25-Nov-2023 16:00:05 JST Noah S. McKinnon

     in reply to

     It’s really too bad Gondor didn’t have a competition for Daddy Issues, or Faramir might’ve finally found an incontrovertible way to make his father proud.

     I do have to say, it’s pretty refreshing that in the one interaction we see between the three of them, Boromir is willing to tell his father off for being a prick to his brother.

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     Noah S. McKinnon (nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party)'s status on Saturday, 25-Nov-2023 16:00:07 JST Noah S. McKinnon

     in reply to

     “Gondor calls for aid.”
     [beat]
     “And Rohan will answer.”

     Théoden, you magnificent, magnificent sadboi bastard.

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     Noah S. McKinnon (nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party)'s status on Saturday, 25-Nov-2023 16:00:08 JST Noah S. McKinnon

     in reply to

     What these movies are teaching me is that if the Saxons had had access to potatoes, they would’ve been unstoppable.

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     Noah S. McKinnon (nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party)'s status on Saturday, 25-Nov-2023 16:00:09 JST Noah S. McKinnon

     in reply to

     Another thing I think every time I watch this movie: can you fucking imagine being one of the people who had to light these beacons? This isn’t a radio relay! You have to march up a goddamn mountain! One of these peaks is *above cloud cover!*

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     Noah S. McKinnon (nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party)'s status on Saturday, 25-Nov-2023 16:00:10 JST Noah S. McKinnon

     in reply to

     I’m pretty sure I just saw Russell Wilson as one of the Rangers of Ithilien sitting by the fire in Osgiliath.

     That’s not possible, but that’s what I saw. So: Gondor country, let’s ride.

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     Noah S. McKinnon (nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party)'s status on Saturday, 25-Nov-2023 16:00:11 JST Noah S. McKinnon

     in reply to

     People who could kill the Witch-King of Angmar:

     - women
     - Elves
     - Dwarves
     - Hobbits
     - Dead Men of Dunharrow
     - that one guy who hangs out with Faramir and looks like a necromantized corpse

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     Noah S. McKinnon (nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party)'s status on Saturday, 25-Nov-2023 16:00:12 JST Noah S. McKinnon

     in reply to

     GANDALF: Sauron has yet to reveal his deadliest servant. The one who would lead Mordor's armies in war. The one they say no living man can kill:

     John Roberts.

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     Noah S. McKinnon (nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party)'s status on Saturday, 25-Nov-2023 16:00:13 JST Noah S. McKinnon

     in reply to

     We’ve discussed before how the heavy bias towards male characters in these movies inadvertently helped them have a less toxic expression of masculinity, in the physical and emotional closeness between the male members of the Fellowship, but another thing that that bias enables is that one of the male leads in these movies effectively friendzones a woman all to Hell.

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     Noah S. McKinnon (nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party)'s status on Saturday, 25-Nov-2023 16:00:14 JST Noah S. McKinnon

     in reply to

     “It was not Théoden of Rohan who led our people to victory.”

     Yeah, except it was your nephew who did it, out of love and loyalty to you, because Gandalf told him you stood alone. Quit the sadboi shit for two seconds.

     Théoden needs Théorapy.

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     Noah S. McKinnon (nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party)'s status on Saturday, 25-Nov-2023 16:00:15 JST Noah S. McKinnon

     in reply to

     Given Théoden King this: he issues Saruman exactly the correct conditions for peace.

     Give Gríma Wormtongue this: it is small and strange and far too late, but he does manage one last act of loyalty.

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     Noah S. McKinnon (nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party)'s status on Saturday, 25-Nov-2023 16:00:16 JST Noah S. McKinnon

     I say this every time we watch this movie, but it is *fucked* that Sméagol already talked like that.