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   Bethany Black (bethanyblack@mastodon.social)'s status on Sunday, 19-Nov-2023 04:43:23 JST Bethany Black

   I hate that having grown up with undiagnosed disabilities that when I need any adaptations to support me I’ve internalised that any deviation from the norm, any request that will have been overlooked by someone organising an event will be me being “difficult”.

   It’s doubly hard not being able to tell when people are mad at me unless they directly tell me, because it’s just led to extreme hyper vigilance in every interaction with anyone.

   This is a huge key to my agoraphobia.

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     Bethany Black (bethanyblack@mastodon.social)'s status on Sunday, 19-Nov-2023 04:48:41 JST Bethany Black

     in reply to

     Just arrived at my first gig of the night and the green room is a sectioned off area of a warehouse floor which is usually an “Adventure Sports centre” so it’s nightclub lighting (black light, laser chasers, flashing RGBs etc) and the music before the show is at nightclub volume, so I’ve just had to walk out and stand in a stairwell. The promoter came and tried to tell me something and I had to tell him I couldn’t process hearing him at all, and then I had to walk out.

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     Bethany Black (bethanyblack@mastodon.social)'s status on Sunday, 19-Nov-2023 04:49:22 JST Bethany Black

     in reply to

     So now I feel guilty for making him feel uncomfortable, rude for just walking off, and worried that he thinks I’m being difficult and an arse hole.

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     moogal (moogal@mastodon.social)'s status on Sunday, 19-Nov-2023 04:53:09 JST moogal

     in reply to

     @BethanyBlack I had to go to the garage today and be extremely apologetic in person to the guy there that I'd ignored his calls for ages as he'd been ringing when I wasn't in the headspace that I could handle phones at all.