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   Mariya Delano (mariyadelano@hachyderm.io)'s status on Thursday, 31-Aug-2023 11:32:15 JST Mariya Delano

   Sorry, deleted some earlier posts. Will find a better way to communicate that message sometime later.

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     Paul Cantrell (inthehands@hachyderm.io)'s status on Thursday, 31-Aug-2023 11:32:09 JST Paul Cantrell

     in reply to

     • wet forest moon folklorist

     @mariyadelano
     Didn’t see the earlier posts, but re what @seachanger wrote: I can think of certain specific people I’ve known of who are impossible to please not because of high standards or personal neurosis, but as their •primary strategy for success•. They become magnets for those who are eager to please — sometimes sycophants, but also sometimes the kindest and fairest-minded people. And they hurt those people. It’s exploitative and even at times abusive. And it’s so painful to see.

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     Mariya Delano (mariyadelano@hachyderm.io)'s status on Thursday, 31-Aug-2023 11:32:10 JST Mariya Delano

     in reply to

     • wet forest moon folklorist

     @seachanger yeah… it’s such a tough pill to swallow. I’m in the services business because I’m a chronic people pleaser 😅

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     wet forest moon folklorist (seachanger@alaskan.social)'s status on Thursday, 31-Aug-2023 11:32:12 JST wet forest moon folklorist

     in reply to

     @mariyadelano no worries Maria! I’ve been in business for myself working directly with people for nine years, and what I have learned is there are some people that you will never be able to please. If the people you work with can’t treat you like a human being who has ups and downs that’s really on them.

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     Mariya Delano (mariyadelano@hachyderm.io)'s status on Thursday, 31-Aug-2023 11:32:56 JST Mariya Delano

     in reply to

     • Paul Cantrell
     • wet forest moon folklorist

     @inthehands @seachanger how do you know when you’re interacting with someone like that? How do you recognize it?

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     Paul Cantrell (inthehands@hachyderm.io)'s status on Thursday, 31-Aug-2023 11:36:55 JST Paul Cantrell

     in reply to

     • wet forest moon folklorist

     @mariyadelano @seachanger
     Wow. That’s a tough question. I’m not sure I know how when you’re the one in the thick of it.

     A lack of kindness, maybe. An unwillingness to say “nice work” about partial progress. (Red flag: abstract discussion is always exciting to them, but concrete work always disappoints them.) Maybe an unwillingness to negotiate toward what “enough” is. Certainly retracting prior commitments or moving goalposts.

     But probably my best off-the-cuff suggestion…

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     Paul Cantrell (inthehands@hachyderm.io)'s status on Thursday, 31-Aug-2023 11:37:33 JST Paul Cantrell

     in reply to

     • wet forest moon folklorist

     @mariyadelano @seachanger
     …is to find somebody you trust who can see the whole situation at a bit of a distance, and then trust them. Believe them when they say “that’s not right.”

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     Mariya Delano (mariyadelano@hachyderm.io)'s status on Thursday, 31-Aug-2023 12:17:16 JST Mariya Delano

     in reply to

     • Paul Cantrell
     • wet forest moon folklorist

     @inthehands @seachanger no willingness to negotiate what “enough” is just lit up so many memories in my brain of people who were exploitative to me.