Charles ☭ H
OK, the ozone place turns out not to be on the 'no' list and I'm about to go tour it. https://lgbt.io/@celesteh/110217678283605514
I broke the thread with that post because I thought certainly it would be ruled out, but they apparently have good food and don't require covid boosters. Indeed, I've been cautioned *not* to use that as an example dodgy medical disinformation.
I have concerns.
Charles ☭ H
I called my friend who used to be an activities director in a care home and asked for advice on picking one.
Thing to look for:
* Cleanliness - are the nurses clean, are the clients clean, is the environment clean?
* Safety - Check if any of the doors are being left open. What's their door protocol? Do they actually follow it?
* Food - Is it good? Will they bring it up to him if he won't or can't come down? Do they charge extra for that?
* Socialisation - Are people out in the common spaces? How are their interactions with each other and the staff? Do they have music? Do they have activities?
* Memory care - Ask to see it. The door protocol and cleanliness questions are even more important.
Charles ☭ H
This is so frustrating. And, I mean, intelligence isn't the only thing in the world, but he used to be so smart and able to spot health disinformation in particular.
I keep thinking of a memory from when I was 12 or maybe as old as 14 and I was sat behind him in an auditorium. I saw he had grey hairs - it was the first time i noticed them. And I had the knowledge for the first time that he was aging and wasn't immortal.
Charles ☭ H
I don't think its actually practical to lie to Dad about boosters and he would almost certainly react very poorly if he discovered deception or to prevent someone from administering a jab.
Because Dr YouTube told him the vaccine was a serious risk to his health, but covid isn't.
And we could ask his cardiologist to speak with him about it, but as his last cardiologist was "trying to kill him" I think this would also go badly.
I am so upset. I can't actually shield him from the consequence of monotised lies.
And because he perceives vaccination as deadly, he would violently defend himself.
Charles ☭ H
So what are good questions to ask when looking at assisted living? What are red flags? How do I pick?
Charles ☭ H
Dad asked me today if I would look at care homes for him.
I asked him, hypothetically, if I should rule out places that require covid boosters. He doubted this would be an issue in Texas (he's wrong there) and then said to rule them out because he "doesn't want to die of a heart attack."
I probably shouldn't have asked at all because now I feel weird and guilty.
Charles ☭ H
Well actually, given that YouTube's covid disinformation convinced him that he needed to fast for like 6 weeks, maybe I shouldn't let the platform off the hook.
I can't tell if he was fine before his heart attack or this has been a thing for a while that everybody was in denial about? Maybe he also had a stroke? He was already vulnerable due to isolation, not just anti-covid measures but also he moved from Washington to Texas last year and all his social contacts were lost. He wanted to get away from mask mandates, he said, which had seemed like it must have meant to refer more broadly to lack of access to activities and socialisation. Maybe he was just radicalised by YouTube.
Anyway, I realised that my responsibility is to make sure he is comfortable and as happy as possible. I want him to have as much autonomy as he wants, but it should be in supportive structures and in a way that causes happiness. So he can decide what he wants for dinner, what to wear, if he wants to go out - things that are immediate, non-harmful, and quotidian expressions of self. But stuff thats stressful, too difficult to understand, or high stakes and informed by falsehood can be navigated around. So the disinformation that has obviously harmed him previously need not continue to hurt or limit him.
He is unable to use his laptop. He doesn't always need to be consulted or kept fully informed. He can be freed of some burdens, so of course we should.
My brother feels guilty about "lying." In the Torah, god lies to Abraham for the sake of family harmony and love. To the extent my dad asks questions, the answers can be light on detail or even misleading for the sake of his well-being.
This feels very very wrong, but its not the half truths that are the problem. We need to meet him where he is and give him as much happiness as possible.
Charles ☭ H
YouTube does not cause dementia. It just exploits the vulnerability resulting from it.
Charles ☭ H
Of course, I want to believe that his problems largely stem from weird supplement intake, but its the other way around.
I have emotions.
He has emotions which are sometimes a rational assessment of his situation. He suggested today he should move into care. I told him I would go look at a few places and he agreed that was a good idea. He may even remember agreeing.
Charles ☭ H
This should not be available OTC.
Charles ☭ H
The UK has 'private prosecutions' in which individuals can bring criminal complaints against people. I'm getting a fucking lawyer.
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