Conversation

Notices

1. Embed this notice
   Emma (emmalilian@eldritch.cafe)'s status on Wednesday, 12-Apr-2023 22:06:47 JST Emma

   Something I was thinking back on from yesterday which I’m now realizing has been a thing is the fact that when I’m out in public, other women mostly seem to be far more vocal and friendly with me.

   Example - yesterday when I was getting my badge the woman helping me struck up a conversation about random stuff with me as we waited for the badge to print. She also offered me a mirror and let me look at the photo after she took it. We started talking about affirmations and then her coworker in the next cubicle over randomly started asking me about them too…

   Another example - wifey and I were out drinking a few weeks ago and she left to get food. When I was by myself the bartender came by to get empty glasses and she randomly started talking to me about her daughter and how much she loved the flavor I was drinking.

   Even though I know I’ve always been perceived as a non threatening male pre transition, I was never treated with such friendliness.

   Is this like a thing? I mean, maybe I passed at the bar but the badge lady saw my deadname… maybe I looked passing and that was enough for her to be friendly?

   I know the female friends I had pre-coming out have become far more closer and friendlier with me post-transition, but it’s the interaction with strangers that I’m focusing on. Or maybe I just need to go back to sleep.

   • Embed this notice
     Kit Rhett Aultman (roadriverrail@signs.codes)'s status on Wednesday, 12-Apr-2023 22:06:39 JST Kit Rhett Aultman

     in reply to

     @emmalilian It's happened to me, too, and without having HRT as part of my transition. And, honestly, it's just the best thing ever. For a little while, I was worried I was receiving well-intentioned condescension, but, nope...it doesn't take that long a trip into femme presentation for that sort of thing to happen.

     Just as wild is going to the home improvement store and seeing the way men now respond to me in places like that.

   • Embed this notice
     Kit Rhett Aultman (roadriverrail@signs.codes)'s status on Wednesday, 12-Apr-2023 23:47:26 JST Kit Rhett Aultman

     in reply to

     @emmalilian I don't know you super well, but you seem kind and thoughtful and sensitive, so hear me out on this one...do not give the "it might be well-intended condescension" idea the time of day. It's literally a poison thought that'll do nothing but give you toxic self-doubt and anxiety. It will not help you in any way whatsoever.

     If you're feeling connected with and included, that's what's happening, and it's enough. Assume it's always happening for good reasons and trust others.

   • Embed this notice
     Emma (emmalilian@eldritch.cafe)'s status on Wednesday, 12-Apr-2023 23:47:27 JST Emma

     in reply to

     • Kit Rhett Aultman

     @roadriverrail Well-intentioned condescension is an interesting one. Not sure if I thought if that but makes a lot of sense to me. I might attribute that to some interactions.

     Lately it feels like almost all of them are different, and that can’t be due to something like that. And honestly I love it. It’s all I ever wanted.