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@khan This is sort of a long term strategy, but it might work. Every time a penny passes through your hands, stick it up your ass. And then spend it. Now like I said, it's a long term strategy. I've been doing this for eleven years now. Every day for the past eleven years I've stuck thirty dollars worth of pennies up my ass. I use them for everything: cab rides, movie theaters, groceries...

Will you listen? That's a lot of ass pennies I got out there, my friend. And here's where the magic comes in. When I meet someone who intimidates me, or puts me on edge, a real 'hardass...' I just think to myself: They've probably handled one of my ass pennies. In fact they probably have one in their pocket right then. That just seems to give me the upper hand. I mean, hey, I haven't touched anything that's been in their ass.

Here's what you do. Go to the bank today, get yourself fifty dollars in pennies. Stick them all up your ass. One at a time, of course! You go to the golf club, and buy yourself a nice dinner, paying entirely in pennies. Now they'll be using your pennies for at least a week. Your enemy goes in there to eat, he gets your ass pennies for change. By the time you meet with him, you know that he's had something in his hand that you had in your ass. Then you got the upper hand.

Do you think you're better than me? It's written all over your face. Do you have any change in your pocket? Take it out. Go on, take it out and take a good look at it. Oh my, you've got a few pennies in there, don't you?

I've been sticking thirty dollars worth of pennies up my ass for the past eleven years. That's three thousand pennies a day. Twenty one thousand pennies a week. One million, ninety two thousand pennies a year. To date, that's twelve million, twelve thousand pennies. That's eight times the population of Nebraska. Those pennies were in my ass!

You think you're better than me? You're not better than me. You handle my ass pennies every day. You pick up my ass pennies for good luck. You throw my ass pennies in fountains and make wishes out of them. You give my ass pennies to your daughter to buy gumballs with. You handle my ass pennies every day! ALL OF YOU! YOU ALL HANDLE MY ASS PENNIES! I LAUGH AT YOU BEFORE YOU CAN LAUGH AT ME! BECAUSE YOUR PENNIES...

HAVE BEEN IN MY ASS!

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