Arturo: Aaargh let me go see the human and receive his love-scratches.
Manuel: <barricading> Ha, if anyone is getting love-scratches it’s going to be me.
Me: If you guys like being scratched so much have you considered not rolling in the mud at every opportunity?
Me: I'm gonna write!
Microsoft Word: for your convenience, I will now save all your documents in OneDrive. I know you uninstalled it, but that won't stop me.
Me: <loads shotgun >
Well my dad can now get calls from me.
Me: Hi dad, how are you?
Dad: I'm waiting to die.
Me: Um, well, did you have a good lunch today?
Dad: I can't really taste anything.
Me: You've lost your sense of taste?
Dad: Yes.
Me: Do you want me to send you hot sauce?
Dad: No.
I walk into my lab. My printer's siting in the corner at idle with all of its various indicator lights blinking in some rhythmic pattern that probably made sense to some HP engineer in 2009 but are completely impenetrable to me.
Me: "I, uh, don't know what you're feeling today, printer, but it looks like you're vibing with whatever it is, so...just keep it up."
Puddy: You can't see me.
Me: Yes, I can.
Puddy: Don't brush me.
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