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A hand-drawn flow chart in cute colors: "Ancient Chinese Political Schools" Confucianism: If everyone would just be POLITE and show their rulers some RESPECT then we wouldn't even NEED any laws Daoism: Bro, stop trying to fix everything, you're making it worse. The best ruler is one who sits back and doesn't rule a thing Legalism: There is no problem so small it can't be solved by beheading ten thousand men about it Confucianism says to Daoism: "You lazy oafs" Daoism says to Confucianism: "You pompous dicks" Daoism says to Legalism: "you're REALLY throwing off my groove" Legalism says to Daoism: "your 'groove' isn't in the budget" Legalism says to Confucianism: "you NAIVE motherfuckers" Confucianism says to Legalism: "Sir, I can excuse the slavery, human sacrifice, sexism etc etc, but I draw the line at coarse language" In the center, with all schools pointing toward the same outcome: "The rivers flood, the crops fail, millions die."