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“Also, she keeps making her dollies kiss, so she might end up LGBTQIA,” added McHodge, confusingly pronouncing it ‘ligbitiqua’. “Which I can get scores of columns out of, as it could potentially deny me all the grandchildren I’m obviously entitled to. You know, my cleaning woman has an autistic gay teenager who she ‘loves exactly the way they are’, and that’s why she’s just a cleaner who smiles every time her family WhatsApp pings and I’m a famous Telegraph columnist in waiting.”