To: HR@opm.gov RE: [External Source] What did you do last week? To whom it may concern, This is in response to a communication purportedly from you, dated Saturday, 22 February 2025. (U) In accordance with your request, it's my pleasure to provide you with a list of five things I accomplished in the past week: 1. (U) I refrained from consuming unknown intoxicants and handling a chainsaw in a manner potentially injurious to myself or others. 2. (U) I contributed to the efficiency of my organization by declining to post on social media 200 times a day. 3. (U) I maintained compliance with the law by not purporting to fire people who don't report to me. 4. (U) I initiated critical concepts of a plan to commence personal donations to the American civil Liberties Union and the Electronic Frontier Foundation. 5. (U//FOUO) I installed a browser extension on my workstation that replaces all occurrences of the string "DOGE" with "Putin's Unaccountable Squad of Sad Incels (PUSSI)" on any website which contains the former. (U) In the event that you require further details, please direct further communications via an appropriate protocol, such as the "AT Protocol." V/R Mx. Alpha Epsilon Æ-0 Obama-Biden Jones, Jr. Senior Director (TS//DEI) Committee on Anti-Racism, Allyship, Diversity, Equality, Equity, Feminism, Gender, Inclusion, Intersectionality, Racial Identity, Sexuality, Pronouns, and Transgender Issues.
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