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@blenderdumbass @danie10 BAAAAAHHH hahahah, that would actually be hilarious! I can see #theOnion writing that sh!t

Okay I thought the idea was so funny i decided to waste a few hours of my life...

Australian Police freeze all $12 in child's bank account after caught operating a Mitra social server for himself and his friends.

The Freeless family thought it was a normal Friday morning in their little New Slave Wales farmhouse, but as Mike Freeless' 6am alarm went off for another day of horticultural schooling, the Australian Police came bursting into the home, raiding it for an old computer game system called a Wii. Police threatened to kidnap the young boy unless he gave them the passwords to his retrofitted Wii computer, which they allege is serving a "Mitra" social server.

What is a Mitra social server and why was it a problem? Mitra, Sanskrit for "Friend", is a type of free software that anyone with some skill can operate, which can turn the computer into its own little social media platform. Not only that Mitra is unique in that it is designed to federate with other servers over a permission-less internet called I2P (Invisible Internet Protocol).

This system of social federation is called Fediverse, and has been labelled as "dangerous" by governments, researchers and internet experts. In Australia operating a social platform without banning people under 16 is an offense punishable by up to $50million-gazzillion dollars. All recreational users of the internet in Australia need to confirm that they are at least 16 years old and they do this by having their face scanned, the area between their anus and genitals scanned, and must provide their phone number. At any moment they should be prepared to recite using their natural voice their Digital ID code or JPMorganSwisse CreditScore code.

Although there have been no major crimes stemming from the use of Fediverse, the vast community that has grown in Fediverse tend to reject Western values, such as life insurance, advertising, and posting selfies. In some extreme cases Fediverse has even been known to help people feel welcome. Cunstibble Spoonfeed calls Fediverse social network, "a highly moderated and self-sustaining autonomous zone where people do and say almost whatever they want and it never seems to stop."

"The anti-corporate propaganda catches on like wildfire on Fediverse, we tried setting up accounts for McGoneolds, Nitie and Cocaine-cola, but they were rejected. Fedi is just a place for people! What's worse, many of them are not telling each other who they really are. I know for a fact that one person on Fediverse refuses to get a driver's license. They just build trust without giving their phone number, or sharing their gory injuries. And when they do share a gory injury they warn people that its gory. You could call it a communist paradise, but they are not even all communists, I can't describe them. It should horrify us all that these creative people clearly enjoy themselves without a single billionaire telling them whats trending. It makes me want to die," Cunstibble lamented.

Authorities in Australia take online happiness very seriously. In 2020, #Switter, a fediverse server for sex workers. Was forced to shutdown due to Australian laws that would have potentially caused sensitive information about their sex work activities to be exposed to police.

So it is for this reason that police wanted to read all Mike's communications on the server. They wanted to know whether the 14 y.o. was pimping between classes. "It can be pretty lonely on the farm," said Orificer Infora Penny. "We had reason to believe he might be trafficking his teenage peers while tending to the tomatoes".

Mike refused to provide the passwords to his Wii, and was kidnapped into custody. Police have frozen $12 in his bank account. Despite the ordeal his parents remain proud of their son. "The Mitra fediverse server has always worked really well, there was a small problem with hashtags when they ended with a quotation mark but I think the lead developer, Silver Pill, knows about it. We enjoyed being able to talk to our son over the fediverse and over the i2p invisible internet", said his mother.

Mike's father spoke about how he used paid subscriptions to give pocket money to his son, "Mitra is a really special type of fedi server because it allows paid subscriptions a bit like Patreason, but better because it's not being spied on by Clownflare servers in the U.S., (...) I began giving him his pocket money in crypto directly."

"We opened a bank account for him to pay the phone carrier. If the police take that money Mike will just switch to using wifi hotspots. Our son hates the The Fed and central banks and the carriers that sell location data to data brokers anyway. He want's a future where farmers can not only save for the future, but enjoy more privacy in a more circular economy and he think that involves cryptocurrencies."

Because of their support for their son's offense of operating social media for under-16s. Child Protection Services have also taken Mike's sister into foster care, and is being deported to Ukraine, where a loving foster home is ready to accept her.

We spoke to one of Mike's friends, who described Mike as a person who would never human traffick. "I never even got a butt pic, let alone a dick pic" said Eddy.

Mike's friends refuse to cooperate with police because they believe the "uniformed thugs" were responsible for the Denial of Service (DoS) attack, prior to Mike's kidnapping.

(the names in this story have been changed to protect the children)

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