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Fake newspaper article reads "Ron Gilbert, American video-game designer, programmer, and producer, was confirmed today as 'eaten by a bloody big spider' whilst camping near Melbourne, Australia earlier today. Last week on social media, Mr. Gilbert posted "In Melbourne for a week. Going to go camping with some friends. They tell me it’s summer so there are no spiders." As everyone in Australia knows, there are always spiders. Bloody big ones, possibly armed and ready to eat any tasty American tourists who may have lowered their guard out in the bush. A rescue crew has since captured the spider, which has been taken to a nearby pub. They hope they can get it drunk enough to barf Mr. Gilbert back out again, within the next few hours. A spokesperson for Mr. Gilbert said "If the spider hadn't eaten him, there was a giant centipede on its way over that would have done. He was gonna get eaten. Tasty fella like that out in the bush? Fair dinkum".