Private Eye clipping: Hamas crimes will not be forgotten until they buy premier League team. Downing Street confirmed today that Hamas will never be forgiven for the atrocities it committed on Israeli soil - until it buys a Premier League Team. Said a spokesperson, "The UK will never look the other way at unspeakable brutality and murders, until Hamas is confirmed as the new owner of Manchester United, Crystal Palace or Wolverhampton Wanderers. Hamas will continue to be seen as barbaric savages, with no respect for human life, until the sale goes through, but provided they spend big in the transfer window in next year's Champions League, their supporters will happily chant 'Jihad!' at both home and away fixtures."
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