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   Terminal Autism (terminalautism@social.076.ne.jp)'s status on Saturday, 08-Oct-2022 13:39:31 JST Terminal Autism

   in reply to
   @xianc78 @ryo @ArdainianRight @SuperSnekFriend Maybe this is too depressing to post, but I already spent the time writing it, so here it goes...
   
   I think the idea that anything good will ever happen and that there is a single outcome that they have not predicted is extremely overoptimistic. The idea that they are just going to kill off all their own supporters and be overthrown is not compatible with the fact that they have been planning this for centuries and have been ruling this world for possibly over a thousand years if not two or three thousand, and have been playing 4D chess with people that are mostly playing 1D chess.
   
   "They control everything and have planned all this, but they are also stupid and don't know what they're doing". Seems like some serious wishful thinking to me. But hey, everyone needs some hopium to keep going, and at least it's based on some logic... just don't overdose on it like the people that take the very addictive and self-destructive "he is going to come and save us any day now". The "he" depending the specific addict, sometimes changing, frequently every 4 or 8 years. Side-effects include total lack of action and practical problem-solving, an immunity to any form form of reason, and an inability to perceive the obvious reality right in front of them.
   
   My only hopium is "maybe I can achieve a life that isn't totally miserable and enjoy it for just long enough to make going through this nightmare at least kinda worth it before I bite the bullet". I know it's delusional but it is the only reason for me not to hang or stab myself right now. It may still be more realistic than my "it will all be worth it if I can have even the smallest positive impact" hopium. Still waiting to confirm that. Everything seems to indicate that nothing works and that even when you do have an effect it just backfires and makes things worse, but I'm just waiting for that moment that it does. I just want to die not feeling like all the suffering was a waste and that life was worth it. That is all. Of course, this seems very unlikely when almost no progress in that direction has actually happened and I can't see myself possibly surviving another decade, and I already lost my entire youth anyway