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@joebiden
Dear Mr. Human US President,

On behalf of the mole people, I would like to extend our thanks for your support.

As your government is well aware for the past two decades our people have been hard at work towards complete and total domination of the surface world. After the failure of our early attempts we have come to realize that the best route to conquest isn’t military, but financial.

It is for this very reason that our esteemed mole-scientists have created a custom engineered specie of giant mutant moles, designed for delivering cargo and personnel at record time. Speedy and fuel efficient, these moles are a prime example of the superiority of mole science. Unfortunately, your human investors expressed concerns with certain minor issues such as the 31.7% chance of said moles devouring their cargo and/or transported personnel.

This is where you stepped in.

Thanks to your breaking the 2022 rail worker strike who were protesting the decline of US rail safety and the subsequent high profile train accidents that followed, the safety rating of our mutant moles is now higher than that of your trains, igniting investor interest and potential cash flow for our future plans.

So once again, thank you for your support and we do hope to return the favor once mole civilization inevitably take over the surface world.

Yours in friendship,

T’chi’kh K’ch’it’k
Head Mole
Cave Complex 19

Public

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