Panel 1: Hey, Caucasians! Angered by the way “racial preferences” make things unequal? Here’s how you can beat the system! First, apply to college as a legacy. Admissions officers weighing applications: Hmm… I don’t know. This kid is an average student, but the father and grandfather are alumni… and they’re doctors! I think his money will fit in just fine! Panel 2: After graduation, while the other suckers are sending out resumes, you tap into the old boy network! (nepotism also works) Frat boy on couch talking on phone with diploma from Dartvard University on wall behind him: Yo brah, it’s Matt. Can you, like, hook me up with a job? Voice on phone: Matty! Chug-a-lug! Sure thing dude! Guess what? My boss is also a Deke! Panel 3: Schmooze your way to the top over the years by charming like-minded business cronies. Boss speaking to new recruit in a booth at Hooters: Ha ha! I like your style, Matty! How’d you like to come work for me? I’ll set you up with a sweet package! Speakin’ of sweet packages, check out the rack on this little number! Panel 4: Finally, have kids and repeat the process over and over and over… Father speaking to kids: Madison, Hunter, you’ll be up against some tough odds, what with all these special preferences for minorities… But your daddy will make sure merit prevails in the end!

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