Notices by Christina Mother of Spiders (aikiwomannc@beige.party)

My imaginary friend tells others I'm their imaginary friend.

Hey Beige peeps and Mastodon. Well, I'm in the WNC mountains. And yes was in the remnants of Helene. We were lucky. Just out power, water, and internet. A lot of downed trees. We are okay. Have cell now! Power should be back in next couple of days. Water, well that's another story. Could be weeks. All that said, we are better off than most. WNC and ETN are indescribable. Some towns wiped out. A lot of people stuck in the hollers and no way to get to them other than helicopter or literal mule train.

I hope anyone else caught in this mess is okay.

If you hold a Big Mac up to your ear you can hear the sound of an employee telling you the ice cream machine is broken.

When Satan needs an addition built he calls BeelzeBob the Builder, contractor of darkness.

Me: Would you bring me the mattress cover off your bed?

Son: *looks puzzled* The what?

Me: The mattress cover. The quilted looking sheet.

Son:

Me: The final boss sheet at the bottom.

Son: Oh that.

Vaccines in Australia are called emunizations.

Can you believe you get this content for free?

"If you want to lose weight eat in front of a mirror, nude". Tried it. All I saw was a happy naked woman eating cheese.

As Carl lay there thinking about all of the life choices that led him to this point, his biggest regret was trusting that stupid cowboy and his space man friend.

Me: I'll just take a quick beach selfie.