Notices by Alice McFlurry :bc: (alice@beige.party), page 13

I signed up for Mastodon in November of 2022 at a time when my cat was dying and I honestly just needed a little bit of an escape.

I thought I’d write some dumb jokes in order to keep the mood light, but what I ended up finding were some great people whom I never would have known existed if it weren’t for Mastodon.

I just wanted to take a moment to thank all of the friends I’ve made on here in such a short time, and I look forward to meeting even more wonderful people on here in the future!

Last summer, our cat was trying to chase ????????? in our apartment and my husband investigated to see what the cat was “playing” with and found a terrified little gecko.

I held our cat as my husband used a piece of paper to scoop up the gecko and take it outside to safety.

Once safe, my husband noticed another smaller baby gecko, so he scooped it up with the paper and brought it outside and set it down by its parent/friend/whatever to reunite them.

A little bit later, my husband noticed the big gecko was still outside just awkwardly chilling and the baby gecko hadn’t moved and that’s when he looked down to inspect and I heard a gasp and then an “Oh no!” and then an “Uhhhh. That’s not a baby gecko. That’s just a tail.”

So, apparently our cat had MURDERED a gecko and my husband actually set its severed body part NEXT TO the surviving gecko, almost as if it were some sort of awful WARNING to all other geckos.

I still get bummed whenever I think about this, but I swear we’re not terrible people. We’re just incredibly dumb.

Interviewer: How would you describe your content on Mastodon?

Me: Have you ever been to a garage sale where there is a LOT of stuff, but everything is either incomplete or broken or really weird and you can’t even figure out what it is or what it does?

Interviewer: Yes.

Me: Yes.

I want to li- li- li- lick you from your head to your oh, I don’t know, probably thighs, maybe even knees, but definitely not toes because it’s just not my thing and I think it’s important that we set boundaries from the start.

Everyone on Mastodon is a lawyer or surgeon or engineer or notary or PhD and I’m over here like “Heyyyy, e-bestiez!! I just finished my online certification in Social Media Etiquette so who’s the baddest bitch now?!?”

I just overheard a lady at the Home Depot garden center ask where the perineums are and I hope she finds everything she’s looking for and more.

Somebody just called me a hypochondriac and I have no idea what that is but I'm pretty sure I have it.