Notices by Jason 🍩 (heyfluxay@retro.pizza)

Potentially early signs of organ failure happening.

Dad is sleeping more often and slurring his words.

Didn’t recognize Trump or know who he is. (What a blessing)

Asked when I was coming again.

Now I’m tearing myself apart wondering if I made the right decision.

Waiting for a nurse update tomorrow morning. Heading to the office early to knock a few things out and preparing to head straight there if needed.

Fuck.

You think you are prepared for what is to come because you want the anxiety to end. So you can just face the pain and start to grieve.

Then it looms in your face and you realize you are so very not ready.

He made it thru the night ok.

I'm planning on heading there this evening or tomorrow at some point.

Early signs of the 'death rattle' have begun....

Shit. I'll be wrapping things up here this afternoon and hitting the road.

On my way

Been a minute….

He sleeps most if not all of the time.

Emotional morning here today...

I've cried.

I've snotted.

This sucks.

He has brief moments, then his eyes get heavy and roll back a bit...

Speech has become very difficult.

He’s had some moments of being alert that have given some memories of sitting with him I won’t ever forget.

He wanted a shave again, so I cleaned him up.

A bit restless tonight which is why I’m posting this at 4am…

He continues to fight on.

He’s entered his crabby era (which he has every right to).

Dad was having some pain today, so had to give him some morphine and then kick up the dose a bit to get relief.

He’s been sleeping most of this afternoon likely because of that.

He woke up finally but had an upset stomach….

He looks so terrible.

Was bracing for a rough night, but at least he slept.

Just woke for the first time now. Groggy but…ok.

Holy shit this is the hardest and worst thing I’ve ever done.

I think he’s turned the corner but unfortunately the corner he won’t come back from.

It’s such a horrible place to be in. Watched your loved one linger and you just want that to stop for them.

In doing so, you are also wishing for them to no longer be here. Just terrible.

And he is somehow a bit better today….

The pattern seems to be every 2 days he declines a bit more.

Will have to see how he is tomorrow.

Still doing well today. Alert and vocal.

I need a break and reset. Going home for a few days.

It sounds like he may be entering his final stretch.

Was very agitated and restless two nights ago, resulting in an increase in meds.

Is calmer now but essentially asleep all of the time.

At least he is calm and at peace.

Hope to make it back there sometime tomorrow.

Getting packed and ready to go to dads.

I’m glad I’m here.

He’s comfortable at least.

And now… well there isn’t much to do but be here and wait.

Checking in on him earlier.

Sometimes I forget this is all happening. Like it’s a dream I woke up from…..

Then I look over at him and remember shit…. He is going to die and nothing I can do will change that.