Notices by Floaty Birb (floatybirb@mastodon.social), page 5

I extremely like how Science Lady has a giant poster of the moon on the wall of her office.

#monsterdon

The cops use like 6 sticks of dynamite to blow the bog up, and I guess they think that worked. But it didn't work and just made the bog monster mad and now its eating people off camera, making Mr. Garibaldi mad.

#monsterdon

In the high school science lab, complete with fake skeleton (yay), the science lady and the science gentleman talk about how the monster put an anti-coagulant into its victims bloodstream. The science lady shows the science gentleman her microscope (which is pointed at slime), and they conclude that the monster is made of cancer. Crystal cancer. That walks, I guess.

#monsterdon

After failing to play Spin the Bottle with each other, the boys lead the girls to the lake. Mustache Hat Boy and Headbandless Girl (I think?) who is in a Hat Now, making her Hat Girl, board a boat; Mustache hat guy opens a beer, upsetting the Ominous Water God (unseen so far), shaking the boat.

Meanwhile, Headband Girl and Mustacheless Hat Boy are fishing, allowing the girl to berate the boy.

#monsterdon

Okay, I'm trying to figure out the character's motivations. They are horny. And also dumb. The girls may be less horny but are also more grouchy at being outside in the woods.

#monsterdon

At the cop conference, the exposition explains that it looked like the bodies were being prepared for embalming and we're not sure why and also we're not sure how they were killed, there wasn't like a puncture wound.

Next, the two hat boys from before are trying to see their wives' bodies but the cops won't let them. Also, the head cop is unhappy that a Bog Murder happened and also that it happened in his jurisdiction.

#monsterdon

We get a sequence that goes on for a while of dudes in cowboy hats, assisted by park rangers searching the woods. Eventually the music changes from "Lofi Beats" to "OMG Dramatic Music" and they find three naked bodies of the three monster victims. Then the scene cuts to a cop debriefing.

#monsterdon

In a sequence I was not paying attention to, the headband girl screams, leading the boat couple to come to their investigation, and then both girls were eaten by an unseen monster, but the boys escaped I guess, dooming us to spend the rest of the movie with them.

In the next scene, the boys are a cop station and the cops are like "yo sorry your wives missing, we'll do a search" and then casually mention the missing guy who does the dynamite fishing.

#monsterdon

The characters in this movie keep repeating their names to each other via their gendered complaining, in what is an obvious plot to trick me into remembering their names.

#monsterdon

Characters in this cursed film:

Explosive Fisherman (RIP)
Hat Guy
Other Hat Guy
Headband Wife (RIP)
Hat Wife (RIP)
Head Cop
Science Lady
Other Cops
Gun Store Clerk
Huck Finn, Firearms Smuggler
Bog Monster (unseen)

#monsterdon

In the next scene the dumb boys are buying a gun in a gun store and are mad that the guns laws exist so they can't sell the guns to these out of state weirdos; but then a surprise character who walked off the set of a Huck Finn sequel appears out of the void to offer to hook them up with more munitions.

#monsterdon

Oh wait, the cops have a Science Lady on staff who explains the Bog Murder better... like a needle or something stabbed an artery the victims and siphoned their blood out.

She then suggests to the chief cop that maybe this is a Dracula. She actually says "Could we have a Dracula running loose out there?". Then in another scene a something or other kills a cop.

#monsterdon

My headcanon for this #monsterdon is that the science lady is a secret would-be monsterfucker with a manila folder labelled "Werewolf Stories" and another one labelled "Hot Draculas KEEP OUT" and a third one labelled "Sultry Mothmen", and that's why when these Bog Murders happen she goes immediately to "OMG it cant be human it must be a swamp monster! Maybe even a hot dracula!?"

Okay so this #Monsterdon bog movie starts with a camera showing us some fog and a wetland, which I guess is the titular bog. We hear some bird noises. Despite my avian username I cannot identify them, but the smarter monsterdonners say that they are loons.

The camera goes to a guy in a boat throwing explosives into the water to fish; he has a hat that is simultaneously silly and cool. He paddles his boat over to pick up the dead fish then something pulls him into the water. good start.

The opening credits for this #monsterdon show footage of a station wagon driving through rural america and eventually the woods as a lovey dovey song plays in the background.

The station wagon, which I will call the mystery machine, although I presume it is more heterosexual, disgorges its passengers at a lake for a camping/fishing trip. Passengers include hat guy, other hat guy, headband girl and headbandless girl. They exchange the Ritualized Gender Complaints.

I find it interesting that the fisher guy didn't have a motor on his boat (to be quiet I guess, like going gigging for frogs), but was also fishing with explosives (which are extremely loud).

#monsterdon

Launching my #Monsterdon thread for #Bog, a movie that I know nothing about but that might have a swamp in it. or maybe a swamp monster. Or maybe a bog, which is a wetland that is slightly different from a swamp, but I forget exactly how. I think a bog has fewer trees and more cranberries. I enjoy cranberries.

Monsterdon is the thing where we watch a monster movie every week. Feel free to mute the hash tag if you don't want to see all the posts by me about this bog movie.

If you are in #Chicago and hate #ICE, there are two rallies tomorrow that you can go to (both downtown, in the loop).

First, there is a rally in support of people ICE has seized at the immigration court. This rally is at 9:00 AM at the same court building, 55 East Monroe Chicago.

Second is a mass mobilization at 5:30 PM at the Federal Plaza, 230 South Dearborn street.

Boosts welcome. #uspol

Okay, so the rules are

stab vampire with stake -> vampire turns into dead bat
stab vampire with metal -> vampire turns into fake skeleton

#monsterdon

Apparently planning to abandon vampires and instead conquer the world with mummies in a sequel, the evil doctor flips some switches to self destruct his evil lab and also kill his frankenstein monster.

Then the hunter wanders into the coffin room and finds that the dead vampires have now turned into fake skeletons instead of bats and funeral music plays.

#monsterdon