Notices by sluttymayo (sluttymayo@jorts.horse)

i apologize for being weird in your mentions. that was totally in character for me. i have not reflected on my behavior, and i pledge to not do better. i will let it happen again. thank you for your understanding.

sluttymayo's guide to apologizing

1) take responsibility: "i upset you."
2) convey your remorse: "i'm sorry for hurting your feelings."
3) admit fault: "i should not have done that."
4) pledge to do better: "i'm still going to steal every other museum submarine in the world too, though."
5) wait, you're not: "i don't care if i have to dredge all of lake erie to fit them."
6) no, the: "you'll never take me alive! rig for depth charges, dive, dive!"
7) torpedoes incoming! rudder hard to port!

even after all these years i still live rent-free in their head 💁♀️

new nimtendo gametube is going to have firewire and scsi #nintendodirect

the fediverse is great because, generally, i expect to hear better opinions about computers from people with custom anime fox emojis in their display names than i expect from people who describe themselves as computer professionals in their bios

this is a pro daylight savings time account

i don't care if i "lose" one hour on a weekend in march, it's probably rainy and shitty out anyway because it's march

i don't care if it's dark in the morning, i have to go to work then anyway so it's a write-off time of day. "it's dangerous for kids waiting for the school bus" abolish cars, then

when it's 10pm in june and it's still a tiny bit light out i am invincible

"dang my skin feels dry"
*puts water on it*
*it doesn't help at all*

why is skin like this? skin is a scam by big lotion. we should all just be cool skeletons. the only thing that gets marketed to skeletons is sick motorcycles

📔 the howevermany habits of highly dysfunctional shitposters

not to get all political, but *breaks down crying*

my most trusted vizier troubling news doth bring. should mine hand be larger than mine face, shall a dire scandal befall my throne. forthwith must i check

i mentally reassign the copyright to each of my toots to random people that i know, as to put a kind of posting hex on them

damn girl, are you the photobucket images on an old forum thread about a niche topic? because i really wish i could see you

@xyhhx @AnarchoNinaWrites if nina would just listen to a little more john lennon and schoolhouse rock she might actually understand what it's going take to make the world a better place*, smh my head

*progressivism, i.e. doing the exact same stuff we're doing now, but making it mandatory to have the feel-good energy of a british petroleum commercial about it

i resolve to be sluttier and more emulsified for 2023

i resolve to be even sluttier and even more emulsified for 2024

new year's resolution: 2025 is going to be my sluttiest and most emulsified year yet

remember, you're not just marrying her, you're marrying her collection of stuffed animals

diogenes owned nothing but a bowl, until he saw a child drink from a cupped hand. astonished, he threw the bowl away and wrote a lengthy essay on linkedin about what it means for b2b sales

me: brings groceries inside
sir dogge: i am sniffmaxxing, i am scentpilled, i am getting my snout one hundred percent all up down in this reusable bag

organizing my reference materials for my in-depth research into what my mom's deal is (i am ripping the cd of carole king's tapestry to ogg)