Notices by sluttymayo (sluttymayo@jorts.horse)

reverse engineering implies the existence of engineering

if your label maker isn't labeled "label maker" i don't trust you

a "men's" bicycle typically has the top tube of the frame parallel to the ground, while a "women's" bicycle usually had a top tube that is slanted lower at the seat end, so a lady doesn't hit herself in the balls if she slides forward off the seat

dachshund: grumbles and sighs if you move his blanket

also dachshund: tears the aluminum siding off of a shed because he can hear a mouse inside

cute things to call your robotgirl gf

oh, dragoncon.

my grandma used to say there are more horse's asses than there are horses, and she was right, and i'm glad we're all here posting

for her role in dolls and dolls, foalivia newton-jorts had to be sewn into the iconic skintight jorts she wore as part of her final outfit in the film opposite costar jort tracolta

@prettygood the hairs on my neck were already up when i saw an exit for "lost city" but then when i saw "welcome to maryland" i understood why there are so many folklore monsters and myths from the mountains

unexpectedly found myself in maryland today, idk where the hell i've been driving

still super funny that facebook renamed itself "meta" as in "metaverse" as if "you'll spend bitcoin at walmart in vr" was a hype-grift that even tech investors wouldn't see through lol

passed a parking garage with real neon letters marking the entrance and exit, but the "do not enter" had broken tubes so it just said "do n er" and i'm so sad i couldn't get a photo of the people bowing and praying to the neon doner kebab god they made

ran out of my deodorant and had to borrow my wife's and it smells like the spectre of her armpits is haunting my armpits

new cheat code, smoke nineteen packs a day for infinite health

tetraethyl lead e-liquid

:bing: sexiest sandblasting suits 2025

from the moment i understood the weakness of miracle whip, it disgusted me. i craved the strength and certainty of mayonnaise. i aspired to the purity of the blessed high-oil emulsion. your kind cling to your whipped spread, as though it will not decay and fail you. one day the crude corn syrup blend you call the condiment will separate, and you will beg my kind to save you. but i am already saved, for mayonnaise is immortal… even in death i serve the omayonissiah.

voters* overwhelmingly approved designating the beaver as the official animal of jorts.horse despite the beaver not being a horse and also despite the joke not originating on this instance at all. the secretary of the iob (international beaver organization) reiterated demands that independent inspectors be allowed access to jorts.horse's tree bark enrichment facilities.

* just me, here

gordon ramsay's kitchen nightmares reveals a shocking truth that's largely unknown to the public: restaurant kitchens can sometimes be the scene of dysfunctional interpersonal dynamics

putting a zerk fitting on my clock so i can hit it with a grease gun full of refried beans to keep the time moving smoothly