Notices by Xavier (xinicit@mastodon.floe.earth)

Basic Instinct 2 should have been called “Intermediate Instinct”

Soylent Green is just the brand name. The recipe is available online. You can make it at home with your friends and family.

Me, an old: Who puts what games they like in their bios? I don’t understand kids!

Cut to: Me at fifteen years old meticulously choosing song lyrics to put in my away message on AIM.

(Making out)

Her: Tell me what you’re thinking about
Me: It’s weird that it’s socially acceptable for two people to rub their digestive tracts together
Her: OK, next time I ask you that, tell me what you think I want to hear

“How can you joke at a time like this?” Because I need to laugh or I will die

Shit’s so bleak that they’ve re-edited the intro to MASH to include the lyrics

Do electricians call each other ohmies?

Kiss me, I’m convenient

My wife’s mom is thrilled that my sister’s Scottish husband is quitting the Catholic Church. In other words, my mother-in-law is pro lapsed Angus.

Maybe the real friends were the shit posters we met along the way

I am three raccoons — each having their own emotional, psychological, and spiritual crises — piloting a poorly inflated blowup doll

I would get more done if I weren’t afraid of people yelling at me

Colonizers sound like they should have something to do with the large intestine, but are in fact assholes.

You can’t get blood from a turnip. Or a stone. Most things don’t have blood, actually.

Calling politicians clowns is wrong. Clowns actually try to make people happy.

Metalheads are theater kids who don’t know they’re theater kids.

Friday night selfie

It would be cool if we could cross a tasmanian devil with a chihuahua so that maybe we could have calmer chihuahuas.

People treat being mentally ill like a weird hobby you’re supposed to do outside of working hours, like Warhammer or having loved ones.

“Snuggle bug” is a cute nickname but a horrifying concept.