Everyone was unavailable today. SR in planned time off for daughter's birthday. MW commemorating the birthday of her son who passed away (also with advance notice). MC was supposed to cover for SR, but she wrote on Friday that she'd been in the ER all day with a kidney stone and would have to cancel. Today she wrote that she was admitted, so don't count on her tomorrow night either. 1/?
#ElderCare #caregiving #SelfCareImpossible
@caregivers

So it was me today, the bad aide who cuts corners. I did fine with the incontinence care, with face and hands, with antifungal cream on toes. But no washing of torso, no flossing of teeth. No exercising of limbs. Nor did I do any of that for myself. I basically napped when she napped. Except when I was eating.
And now finally I can think, after "putting her to bed" for the night. 3/?
#ElderCare #caregiving #SelfCareImpossible

AA is recovering from pneumonia, and I'm not even thrilled at her coming Monday, so definitely not asking her to come this weekend. And finally, at 7:30 this morning JK wrote to say she wasn't feeling well and wouldn't be coming at all today. I called the agency and got a call back saying they'd try, but then never got even a courtesy call to confirm they didn't find anyone to help. 2/?
#ElderCare #caregiving #SelfCareImpossible

I had planned to spend this one day of predicted pleasant weather outside -- mowing the lawn, dealing with weeds, tidying around the outside of the house. This is a day where a caregiver typically comes for seven hours (with a break for lunch). I could be absent and get hot and sweaty and tired. I was looking forward to it. 5/?
#ElderCare #caregiving #SelfCareImpossible

Don't even think about telling me to remember to take care of myself. How can anyone make plans in this situation? 4/?

#ElderCare #caregiving #SelfCareImpossible

@caregivers

The aid agency I use could not staff even a single hour of caregiving on a Saturday. No taking care of myself (or my yard) today, unless you consider stress eating and then falling into a stuporous nap between incontinence pad changes a form of self-care. 7/?
(Oh yes, there's more!)

#ElderCare #caregiving #SelfCareImpossible

But aside from time off scheduled in advance by two caregivers and another recovering from illness, the daytime aide called off at 7:30 am due to a chronic ailment flaring up and my nighttime aide (already filling in for an aide who scheduled time off weeks ago) landed in the emergency room. 6/?
#ElderCare #caregiving #SelfCareImpossible

or...
* I always have a couple of hours free on Sunday morning. Although I'm not comfortable doing personal care, I could sit with your person so you could do something else for a couple of hours. We could make it a regular thing?
or...
* If you need to schedule a doctor's appointment, let me know, I could sit with your person while you're gone.
or... 9/?

#ElderCare #caregiving #SelfCareImpossible

If you ever catch yourself about to say to your caregiver friend, relative, or acquaintance, "remember to take care of yourself," STOP.
Instead think about what you are willing to do to ease the load on that person.
Consider:
* I go to [X store] every Thursday, want to add a few things to my list that I can get for you each week?
or... 8/?

#ElderCare #caregiving #SelfCareImpossible
@caregivers

or...
* If you need to schedule a medical procedure that requires a ride to and from or where you could use moral support, I'm willing to go with you.
or...
* Do you need help with minor repairs, yard work, garage cleaning (etc.)? I can recommend the people I use and would talk to them for you, have them call you.
10/11

#ElderCare #caregiving #SelfCareImpossible

And if you're not willing to do any of these or similar things that would be concrete help for your caregiver friend, relative, or acquaintance, then don't say anything. Just listen, wish them well.
Don't add to their burden and stress by "reminding" them to do the impossible. 11/11

#ElderCare #caregiving #SelfCareImpossible