how is choosing a bank and a branch thereof for your banking address any different from choosing a home instance for your social media address? in order to wire money to someone else, you have to know their address; this is hardly different. I don't see what distinction you're trying to make. it comes across to me as "I'm used to this, so this is easy, while I'm new to that, so that's unfamiliar and therefore it seems different and complicated and scary" even though it's the really same
take telephony. you also have to pick a phone service provider, and then find out others' addresses (area code and phone number) before you can call them. and, again, the difference between that and fediverse federation is that you've long been so familiar with the telephone federation that you don't even perceive it as such. ditto email. ditto XMPP. ditto so many political structures. the centralized walled garden make things simpler for exploitation (no way to escape), not for users.