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Hellooooo *taps mic* (is this thing on?)

Can you hear me out there? I am coming to you from my second Linux upgrade of the day...

What a sad dead laptop, running at walking pace on Windows......

I AM NOW LIKE NEW, BEBE! I'm on one website...wait a minute....I've switched and am now on another one! Multiple tabs!!! I'll watch streaming services? Whaaaaaa?

Call me Mr Linux. Be careful around me, I'll Linux anything. I'll Linux your mums if you're not careful. I am a maniac.