This is what I mean. The anxiety of it all catches me cold.
“Okay but… Joseph, *can* you make it through this?” “What if you never play football or baseball again?” “How much of you will be left after chemotherapy?” “Who else is going to leave you high and dry and imply that you didn’t try hard enough?”
These are intrusive thoughts but they aren’t unreasonable ones. This is how it hooks me into this unhelpful cycle of speculation about my own goddamn chances to press on and persevere regardless of what happens to me or who I’ll become as this ordeal continues.