There is, however, something of a massive silver lining among the newly-discovered tarnished metals.
Whatever anger, pain, and upsettedness I felt finally unpacking all this is quickly extinguished by the reminder that I am not only cared for and enriched by people who actually love me and not just the idea of me they created in their heads. No, I have managed to develop the systems I need to better help myself and I have traded my penchant for self-loathing in exchange for genuine self-care.
I give myself grace now where I would feel deeply guilty and even suicidal for doing so. I stopped at nothing to feel and be better.
That meant the people from my past couldn’t stay. I chose me over them and it all makes sense now.