When men ask "would you say the same if it was a woman" they're not asking a genuine question, they're looking for something to get offended about. They're fishing for a particular response, not common sense, like "of course women who cheat are also trash." They want you to make excuses for the woman and question why they'd even ask that. They dream of living in a world where double-standards exist and they're oppressed in some way. They love looking for something to rage at.