Valid to feel this way. Tragic state of our humanity is knowing that we shouldn't be given another chance at forgiveness (by our rational, mortal standards) and facing the depth of God's infinite love and mercy. Literally incomprehensible to us.
One of the hardest things in this life is overcoming the shame of our sins to ask forgiveness, time and time again. There is a certain humility in understanding that God is more forgiving than us. I do not even begin to comprehend this. If I had to guess, the closest we can come to achieving real "inner peace" in this life is our acceptance and submission to the ineffable reality of God's mercy. I think very few Christians have ever reached this in their life. For the rest of us, we're best off abandoning rational faculties in regards to "if we deserve forgiveness" and put full trust in God and His sacrifice as we confess our sins.

RT: https://mugicha.club/objects/3f5e3fe4-0eec-4fd9-97ca-d6ff8ae05e96