@VioletFirePhoenix I'll always remember how shocked I was my first semester of grad school in what I jokingly called our "management therapy class." The class consisted of six men and two women (including me). The teacher was also male.

For weeks, the men talked about how their main issue was overconfidence. They all had a history of ending up in positions they weren't qualified for then detailed the spectacular mess-ups they caused as a result. None of them had ever been fired though no matter how costly these errors were.

They attributed their success in getting these positions to a lot of things. Stuff like "I'm charismatic and sociable" or "I'm calm, straight to the point, and only use as many words as absolutely necessary" or "I'm good at empathizing with people and helping them through difficult situations." No matter what their personality was like, they'd all experienced the same thing.

Meanwhile, the experiences of both myself and the other woman were much like those explained in your post. Not that we'd been turned away from any and all leadership opportunities, but we'd both been told to our faces that we weren't the first choice or that perhaps we should try a different approach in how we speak to people. If overconfidence was the primary issue for the men, self-doubt was the primary issue for us.