A man walked into Twitter for a janitor job.
They asked him some questions, gave him a few basic tests, and finally said:
\u201cCongratulations, you\u2019re hired. Just leave us your email, and we\u2019ll send you your work schedule.\u201d
\u201cActually\u2026 I don\u2019t have a computer, let alone an email,\u201d the man admitted.
The HR manager frowned:
\u201cI\u2019m sorry, sir, but if you don\u2019t have email, that means you don\u2019t really exist in our system. And email communication is essential for how Twitter operates.\u201d<\/p>","generator":{"id":"tag:gnusocial.jp,2026-10-10:notice-source:ActivityPub","objectType":"application","status_net":{"source_code":"ActivityPub"}},"id":"https:\/\/noauthority.social\/users\/Twig\/statuses\/117114058056024063","object":{"id":"https:\/\/noauthority.social\/users\/Twig\/statuses\/117114058056024063","objectType":"note","content":"
A man walked into Twitter for a janitor job. The man left disappointed, with only 30 dollars in his pocket. But instead of feeling sorry for himself, he bought 20 pounds of apples from a farmer, walked to a busy street corner, and started selling \u201cfresh eco-friendly fruit.\u201d The man left disappointed, with only 30 dollars in his pocket. But instead of feeling sorry for himself, he bought 20 pounds of apples from a farmer, walked to a busy street corner, and started selling \u201cfresh eco-friendly fruit.\u201d @Tony<\/a> <\/p> He had 30 dollars in his pocket.<\/p>","generator":{"id":"tag:gnusocial.jp,2026-10-10:notice-source:ActivityPub","objectType":"application","status_net":{"source_code":"ActivityPub"}},"id":"https:\/\/noauthority.social\/users\/Twig\/statuses\/117114124999480851","object":{"id":"https:\/\/noauthority.social\/users\/Twig\/statuses\/117114124999480851","objectType":"note","content":" @Tony<\/a> <\/p> He had 30 dollars in his pocket.<\/p>","url":"https:\/\/noauthority.social\/@Twig\/117114124999480851","status_net":{"notice_id":null},"inReplyTo":{"objectType":"note","id":"https:\/\/clew.lol\/objects\/94feda07-711f-409f-8094-7c5e7570e0d4","url":"https:\/\/clew.lol\/objects\/94feda07-711f-409f-8094-7c5e7570e0d4"}},"to":[{"objectType":"http:\/\/activitystrea.ms\/schema\/1.0\/person","id":"https:\/\/clew.lol\/users\/Tony"},{"objectType":"http:\/\/activitystrea.ms\/schema\/1.0\/collection","id":"http:\/\/activityschema.org\/collection\/public"}],"status_net":{"conversation":"tag:gnusocial.jp,2026-08-18:objectType=thread:nonce=0f6dc8d4f1d501fb","notice_info":{"local_id":"13049151","source":"ActivityPub"}},"published":"2026-08-18T02:31:49+00:00","provider":{"objectType":"service","displayName":"GNU social JP","url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/"},"verb":"post","url":"https:\/\/noauthority.social\/@Twig\/117114124999480851"},{"actor":{"id":"https:\/\/ak.kyaruc.moe\/users\/theorytoe","displayName":"T man :sex: :puffgiga: :puffpowerroll:","status_net":{"avatarLinks":[{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/48106-original-tmp20221203113831.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":400,"height":400},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/48106-96-20221203113831.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":96,"height":96},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/48106-48-20221203113831.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":48,"height":48},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/48106-24-20221203113831.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":24,"height":24}],"profile_info":{"local_id":"48106"}},"image":{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/48106-96-20221203113831.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":96,"height":96},"objectType":"person","summary":"piss off and go follow my main (or stay for funi):sm64_r::sm64_e::sm64_t::sm64_a::sm64_r::sm64_d:@theorytoe@pl.starnix.network :reimu_sandwitch: Shitposting account because I dont want to piss off ssvsystems dev and unix hacker.Also a future bass\/instrumental\/drum n'bass\/edm producerleader of the everforest cult","url":"https:\/\/ak.kyaruc.moe\/users\/theorytoe","portablecontacts_net":{"preferredUsername":"theorytoe","displayName":"T man :sex: :puffgiga: :puffpowerroll:","note":"piss off and go follow my main (or stay for funi):sm64_r::sm64_e::sm64_t::sm64_a::sm64_r::sm64_d:@theorytoe@pl.starnix.network :reimu_sandwitch: Shitposting account because I dont want to piss off ssvsystems dev and unix hacker.Also a future bass\/instrumental\/drum n'bass\/edm producerleader of the everforest cult"}},"content":"@Twig<\/a> @Tony<\/a>
They asked him some questions, gave him a few basic tests, and finally said:
\u201cCongratulations, you\u2019re hired. Just leave us your email, and we\u2019ll send you your work schedule.\u201d
\u201cActually\u2026 I don\u2019t have a computer, let alone an email,\u201d the man admitted.
The HR manager frowned:
\u201cI\u2019m sorry, sir, but if you don\u2019t have email, that means you don\u2019t really exist in our system. And email communication is essential for how Twitter operates.\u201d<\/p>","url":"https:\/\/noauthority.social\/@Twig\/117114058056024063","status_net":{"notice_id":null}},"to":[{"objectType":"http:\/\/activitystrea.ms\/schema\/1.0\/collection","id":"http:\/\/activityschema.org\/collection\/public"}],"status_net":{"conversation":"tag:gnusocial.jp,2026-08-18:objectType=thread:nonce=0f6dc8d4f1d501fb","notice_info":{"local_id":"13049148","source":"ActivityPub"}},"published":"2026-08-18T02:31:51+00:00","provider":{"objectType":"service","displayName":"GNU social JP","url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/"},"verb":"post","url":"https:\/\/noauthority.social\/@Twig\/117114058056024063"},{"actor":{"id":"https:\/\/clew.lol\/users\/Tony","displayName":"Mr. Bacon","status_net":{"avatarLinks":[{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/108943-96-20230322022722.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":96,"height":96},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/108943-48-20230322022722.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":48,"height":48},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/108943-24-20230322022722.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":24,"height":24}],"profile_info":{"local_id":"108943"}},"image":{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/108943-96-20230322022722.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":96,"height":96},"objectType":"person","summary":"Here to shitpost and chew bubble gum, but I'm out of gumAlso on poa.st: Mr. Bacon @titties5763@poa.stNo, my name isn't Tony Shitposting: In Internet culture, shitposting, trashposting, or funposting is the act of using an online forum or social media page to post content that is satirical and of "aggressively, ironically, and trollishly poor quality",","url":"https:\/\/clew.lol\/users\/Tony","portablecontacts_net":{"preferredUsername":"Tony","displayName":"Mr. Bacon","note":"Here to shitpost and chew bubble gum, but I'm out of gumAlso on poa.st: Mr. Bacon @titties5763@poa.stNo, my name isn't Tony Shitposting: In Internet culture, shitposting, trashposting, or funposting is the act of using an online forum or social media page to post content that is satirical and of "aggressively, ironically, and trollishly poor quality","}},"content":"@Twig<\/a> how did he buy the apples? if he used a debit card he's got to have email...","generator":{"id":"tag:gnusocial.jp,2026-10-10:notice-source:ActivityPub","objectType":"application","status_net":{"source_code":"ActivityPub"}},"id":"https:\/\/clew.lol\/objects\/94feda07-711f-409f-8094-7c5e7570e0d4","object":{"id":"https:\/\/clew.lol\/objects\/94feda07-711f-409f-8094-7c5e7570e0d4","objectType":"note","content":"@Twig<\/a> how did he buy the apples? if he used a debit card he's got to have email...","url":"https:\/\/clew.lol\/objects\/94feda07-711f-409f-8094-7c5e7570e0d4","status_net":{"notice_id":null},"inReplyTo":{"objectType":"note","id":"https:\/\/noauthority.social\/users\/Twig\/statuses\/117114061482743489","url":"https:\/\/noauthority.social\/@Twig\/117114061482743489"}},"to":[{"objectType":"http:\/\/activitystrea.ms\/schema\/1.0\/person","id":"https:\/\/noauthority.social\/users\/Twig"},{"objectType":"http:\/\/activitystrea.ms\/schema\/1.0\/collection","id":"http:\/\/activityschema.org\/collection\/public"}],"status_net":{"conversation":"tag:gnusocial.jp,2026-08-18:objectType=thread:nonce=0f6dc8d4f1d501fb","notice_info":{"local_id":"13049150","source":"ActivityPub"}},"published":"2026-08-18T02:31:50+00:00","provider":{"objectType":"service","displayName":"GNU social JP","url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/"},"verb":"post","url":"https:\/\/clew.lol\/objects\/94feda07-711f-409f-8094-7c5e7570e0d4"},{"actor":{"id":"https:\/\/noauthority.social\/users\/Twig","displayName":"Twig","status_net":{"avatarLinks":[{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/242617-original-tmp20250527005955.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":400,"height":400},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/242617-96-20250527032145.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":96,"height":96},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/242617-48-20250527014629.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":48,"height":48},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/242617-24-20250529043530.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":24,"height":24}],"profile_info":{"local_id":"242617"}},"image":{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/242617-96-20250527032145.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":96,"height":96},"objectType":"person","url":"https:\/\/noauthority.social\/@Twig","portablecontacts_net":{"preferredUsername":"Twig","displayName":"Twig"}},"content":"
Within a few hours, he doubled his money. By the end of the day, he\u2019d multiplied it tenfold. That\u2019s when it hit him \u2014 maybe he didn\u2019t need a boss at all.
Time passed. He bought a small truck, opened a fruit stand, then a small grocery store.<\/p>","generator":{"id":"tag:gnusocial.jp,2026-10-10:notice-source:ActivityPub","objectType":"application","status_net":{"source_code":"ActivityPub"}},"id":"https:\/\/noauthority.social\/users\/Twig\/statuses\/117114061482743489","object":{"id":"https:\/\/noauthority.social\/users\/Twig\/statuses\/117114061482743489","objectType":"note","content":"
Within a few hours, he doubled his money. By the end of the day, he\u2019d multiplied it tenfold. That\u2019s when it hit him \u2014 maybe he didn\u2019t need a boss at all.
Time passed. He bought a small truck, opened a fruit stand, then a small grocery store.<\/p>","url":"https:\/\/noauthority.social\/@Twig\/117114061482743489","status_net":{"notice_id":null},"inReplyTo":{"objectType":"note","id":"https:\/\/noauthority.social\/users\/Twig\/statuses\/117114058056024063","url":"https:\/\/noauthority.social\/@Twig\/117114058056024063"}},"to":[{"objectType":"http:\/\/activitystrea.ms\/schema\/1.0\/collection","id":"http:\/\/activityschema.org\/collection\/public"}],"status_net":{"conversation":"tag:gnusocial.jp,2026-08-18:objectType=thread:nonce=0f6dc8d4f1d501fb","notice_info":{"local_id":"13049149","source":"ActivityPub"}},"published":"2026-08-18T02:31:50+00:00","provider":{"objectType":"service","displayName":"GNU social JP","url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/"},"verb":"post","url":"https:\/\/noauthority.social\/@Twig\/117114061482743489"},{"actor":{"id":"https:\/\/noauthority.social\/users\/Twig","displayName":"Twig","status_net":{"avatarLinks":[{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/242617-original-tmp20250527005955.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":400,"height":400},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/242617-96-20250527032145.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":96,"height":96},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/242617-48-20250527014629.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":48,"height":48},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/242617-24-20250529043530.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":24,"height":24}],"profile_info":{"local_id":"242617"}},"image":{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/242617-96-20250527032145.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":96,"height":96},"objectType":"person","url":"https:\/\/noauthority.social\/@Twig","portablecontacts_net":{"preferredUsername":"Twig","displayName":"Twig"}},"content":"
this would not exist in such a society they would arrest him for fraud","generator":{"id":"tag:gnusocial.jp,2026-10-10:notice-source:ActivityPub","objectType":"application","status_net":{"source_code":"ActivityPub"}},"id":"https:\/\/ak.kyaruc.moe\/objects\/f66c97f3-0c8c-4975-9587-6de8aa8eea39","object":{"id":"https:\/\/ak.kyaruc.moe\/objects\/f66c97f3-0c8c-4975-9587-6de8aa8eea39","objectType":"note","content":"@Twig<\/a> @Tony<\/a>
this would not exist in such a society they would arrest him for fraud","url":"https:\/\/ak.kyaruc.moe\/objects\/f66c97f3-0c8c-4975-9587-6de8aa8eea39","status_net":{"notice_id":null},"inReplyTo":{"objectType":"note","id":"https:\/\/noauthority.social\/users\/Twig\/statuses\/117114124999480851","url":"https:\/\/noauthority.social\/@Twig\/117114124999480851"}},"to":[{"objectType":"http:\/\/activitystrea.ms\/schema\/1.0\/person","id":"https:\/\/clew.lol\/users\/Tony"},{"objectType":"http:\/\/activitystrea.ms\/schema\/1.0\/person","id":"https:\/\/noauthority.social\/users\/Twig"},{"objectType":"http:\/\/activitystrea.ms\/schema\/1.0\/collection","id":"http:\/\/activityschema.org\/collection\/public"}],"status_net":{"conversation":"tag:gnusocial.jp,2026-08-18:objectType=thread:nonce=0f6dc8d4f1d501fb","notice_info":{"local_id":"13049152","source":"ActivityPub"}},"published":"2026-08-18T02:31:48+00:00","provider":{"objectType":"service","displayName":"GNU social JP","url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/"},"verb":"post","url":"https:\/\/ak.kyaruc.moe\/objects\/f66c97f3-0c8c-4975-9587-6de8aa8eea39"}],"links":[{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/conversation\/6628767","rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html"}]}