Also, I think that southern Chinese immigrants have had a long history of mutual aid. When I was growing up I thought it was just people wanting to stick to each other in a new place but after becoming an immigrant myself and learning shit the terrible odds of their lives in California and elsewhere, it seems like it made sense that they had to help each other. When railway workers were massacred, repeatedly, Chinese business people funded the legal responses. Of course they also benefited from importing this labor. But there seemed to be some sense of kinship in some way or more a sense of, \u2018it doesn\u2019t matter how rich I am, they\u2019re coming for all of us anyway\u2019. <\/p>
And the way I see this manifested has been: I remember the first time I went to Phnom Penh alone as a a teenager, I was horribly lost. I found a shop, realized we spoke the same language, and they helped me get situated. Even where I live in SF, even though I don\u2019t love hanging out with my elderly neighbors, I do generally feel like \u2018if I need something..\u2019 (more than salt, but less than a favor), they\u2019ll definitely do it for me. <\/p>
I guess I just don\u2019t know how to not exist without this support, because I\u2019ve never.. not had it.<\/p>","generator":{"id":"tag:gnusocial.jp,2026-06-06:notice-source:ActivityPub","objectType":"application","status_net":{"source_code":"ActivityPub"}},"id":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/users\/skinnylatte\/statuses\/115856018610015844","object":{"id":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/users\/skinnylatte\/statuses\/115856018610015844","objectType":"note","content":"
Also, I think that southern Chinese immigrants have had a long history of mutual aid. When I was growing up I thought it was just people wanting to stick to each other in a new place but after becoming an immigrant myself and learning shit the terrible odds of their lives in California and elsewhere, it seems like it made sense that they had to help each other. When railway workers were massacred, repeatedly, Chinese business people funded the legal responses. Of course they also benefited from importing this labor. But there seemed to be some sense of kinship in some way or more a sense of, \u2018it doesn\u2019t matter how rich I am, they\u2019re coming for all of us anyway\u2019. <\/p>
And the way I see this manifested has been: I remember the first time I went to Phnom Penh alone as a a teenager, I was horribly lost. I found a shop, realized we spoke the same language, and they helped me get situated. Even where I live in SF, even though I don\u2019t love hanging out with my elderly neighbors, I do generally feel like \u2018if I need something..\u2019 (more than salt, but less than a favor), they\u2019ll definitely do it for me. <\/p>
I guess I just don\u2019t know how to not exist without this support, because I\u2019ve never.. not had it.<\/p>","url":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/@skinnylatte\/115856018610015844","status_net":{"notice_id":null},"inReplyTo":{"objectType":"note","id":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/users\/skinnylatte\/statuses\/115855958466387808","url":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/@skinnylatte\/115855958466387808"}},"to":[{"objectType":"http:\/\/activitystrea.ms\/schema\/1.0\/collection","id":"http:\/\/activityschema.org\/collection\/public"}],"status_net":{"conversation":"tag:gnusocial.jp,2026-01-07:objectType=thread:nonce=2b545ecdfafcc9e2","notice_info":{"local_id":"11882068","source":"ActivityPub"}},"published":"2026-01-07T22:14:20+00:00","provider":{"objectType":"service","displayName":"GNU social JP","url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/"},"verb":"post","url":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/@skinnylatte\/115856018610015844"},{"actor":{"id":"https:\/\/sueden.social\/users\/virbonus","displayName":"Axel Gutmann","status_net":{"avatarLinks":[{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/21049-original-tmp20251011174656.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":400,"height":400},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/21049-96-20251013160604.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":96,"height":96},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/21049-48-20251012234242.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":48,"height":48},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/21049-24-20251013160856.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":24,"height":24}],"profile_info":{"local_id":"21049"}},"image":{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/21049-96-20251013160604.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":96,"height":96},"objectType":"person","summary":"\u00abI don't care about what anything was DESIGNED to do, I care about what it CAN do\u00bb (Gene Kranz \/ nach Film "Apollo 13")> Geboren @ 318 ppm CO\u2082> #Autofrei seit 1980> Online seit 1991 im:- #Usenet UH2M@DKAUNI.BITNET- #FIDONet 2:241\/7522.7> Dipl.-Ing. mach. (Universit\u00e4t\/TH [sic!] KA 1992)> #Ortenau\u200ber in #Karlsruhe> bei #vhs KA (@karlsruhe) seit 1997> #Volkshochschule> #Bildung> #FckAfD> #AntiFa> #MdRzA > #RunterVomRadweg> #ClimateJusticeNow> #NoBots> #NoUseByLLM","url":"https:\/\/sueden.social\/@virbonus","portablecontacts_net":{"preferredUsername":"virbonus","displayName":"Axel Gutmann","note":"\u00abI don't care about what anything was DESIGNED to do, I care about what it CAN do\u00bb (Gene Kranz \/ nach Film "Apollo 13")> Geboren @ 318 ppm CO\u2082> #Autofrei seit 1980> Online seit 1991 im:- #Usenet UH2M@DKAUNI.BITNET- #FIDONet 2:241\/7522.7> Dipl.-Ing. mach. (Universit\u00e4t\/TH [sic!] KA 1992)> #Ortenau\u200ber in #Karlsruhe> bei #vhs KA (@karlsruhe) seit 1997> #Volkshochschule> #Bildung> #FckAfD> #AntiFa> #MdRzA > #RunterVomRadweg> #ClimateJusticeNow> #NoBots> #NoUseByLLM"}},"content":"
@skinnylatte<\/a> I like and adore my parents too (always have b\/c they are fine people) but *actually* fulfilling that duty (as my brother and I had to start in earnest last autumn) still isn't at all easy. @skinnylatte<\/a> I like and adore my parents too (always have b\/c they are fine people) but *actually* fulfilling that duty (as my brother and I had to start in earnest last autumn) still isn't at all easy. @virbonus<\/a> :\/<\/p>","generator":{"id":"tag:gnusocial.jp,2026-06-06:notice-source:ActivityPub","objectType":"application","status_net":{"source_code":"ActivityPub"}},"id":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/users\/skinnylatte\/statuses\/115856092118460124","object":{"id":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/users\/skinnylatte\/statuses\/115856092118460124","objectType":"note","content":" @virbonus<\/a> :\/<\/p>","url":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/@skinnylatte\/115856092118460124","status_net":{"notice_id":null},"inReplyTo":{"objectType":"note","id":"https:\/\/sueden.social\/users\/virbonus\/statuses\/115856076754353533","url":"https:\/\/sueden.social\/@virbonus\/115856076754353533"}},"to":[{"objectType":"http:\/\/activitystrea.ms\/schema\/1.0\/person","id":"https:\/\/sueden.social\/users\/virbonus"},{"objectType":"http:\/\/activitystrea.ms\/schema\/1.0\/collection","id":"http:\/\/activityschema.org\/collection\/public"}],"status_net":{"conversation":"tag:gnusocial.jp,2026-01-07:objectType=thread:nonce=2b545ecdfafcc9e2","notice_info":{"local_id":"11882007","source":"ActivityPub"}},"published":"2026-01-07T22:08:23+00:00","provider":{"objectType":"service","displayName":"GNU social JP","url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/"},"verb":"post","url":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/@skinnylatte\/115856092118460124"},{"actor":{"id":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/users\/skinnylatte","displayName":"Adrianna Tan","status_net":{"avatarLinks":[{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/theme\/gnusocialjp\/default-avatar-profile.png","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/png","width":96,"height":96},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/theme\/gnusocialjp\/default-avatar-stream.png","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/png","width":48,"height":48},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/theme\/gnusocialjp\/default-avatar-mini.png","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/png","width":24,"height":24}],"profile_info":{"local_id":"43116"}},"image":{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/theme\/gnusocialjp\/default-avatar-profile.png","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/png","width":96,"height":96},"objectType":"person","summary":"Queer Southeast Asian product manager living in California working on #civictech. Lukewarm takes on tech, food, bicycles, and lots and lots of pet photos.Learning to play jazz piano and saxophone.","url":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/@skinnylatte","portablecontacts_net":{"preferredUsername":"skinnylatte","displayName":"Adrianna Tan","note":"Queer Southeast Asian product manager living in California working on #civictech. Lukewarm takes on tech, food, bicycles, and lots and lots of pet photos.Learning to play jazz piano and saxophone."}},"content":" I think sometimes of how my mom\u2019s side of the family probably lived in dwellings like these in Fujian, at least until they left for the \u2018southern seas\u2019. You were probably never lonely, but you were probably also overwhelmed sometimes. That feels like the push \/ pull of both models to me. <\/p> https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Fujian_tulou<\/a><\/p>","generator":{"id":"tag:gnusocial.jp,2026-06-06:notice-source:ActivityPub","objectType":"application","status_net":{"source_code":"ActivityPub"}},"id":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/users\/skinnylatte\/statuses\/115855958466387808","object":{"id":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/users\/skinnylatte\/statuses\/115855958466387808","objectType":"note","content":" I think sometimes of how my mom\u2019s side of the family probably lived in dwellings like these in Fujian, at least until they left for the \u2018southern seas\u2019. You were probably never lonely, but you were probably also overwhelmed sometimes. That feels like the push \/ pull of both models to me. <\/p> https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Fujian_tulou<\/a><\/p>","url":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/@skinnylatte\/115855958466387808","status_net":{"notice_id":null},"inReplyTo":{"objectType":"note","id":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/users\/skinnylatte\/statuses\/115855922428952320","url":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/@skinnylatte\/115855922428952320"}},"to":[{"objectType":"http:\/\/activitystrea.ms\/schema\/1.0\/collection","id":"http:\/\/activityschema.org\/collection\/public"}],"status_net":{"conversation":"tag:gnusocial.jp,2026-01-07:objectType=thread:nonce=2b545ecdfafcc9e2","notice_info":{"local_id":"11881866","source":"ActivityPub"}},"published":"2026-01-07T21:45:08+00:00","provider":{"objectType":"service","displayName":"GNU social JP","url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/"},"verb":"post","url":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/@skinnylatte\/115855958466387808"},{"actor":{"id":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/users\/dalias","displayName":"Rich Felker","status_net":{"avatarLinks":[{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/40873-original-tmp20221202140938.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":400,"height":400},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/40873-96-20221207231635.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":96,"height":96},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/40873-48-20221207231635.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":48,"height":48},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/40873-24-20221207231635.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":24,"height":24}],"profile_info":{"local_id":"40873"}},"image":{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/40873-96-20221207231635.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":96,"height":96},"objectType":"person","summary":"C librarian, purveyor of the language's eldritch horrors. Poppin' shells \ud83e\uddaa","url":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/@dalias","portablecontacts_net":{"preferredUsername":"dalias","displayName":"Rich Felker","note":"C librarian, purveyor of the language's eldritch horrors. Poppin' shells \ud83e\uddaa"}},"content":"RT @dalias There\u2019s an interesting model emerging in China where hetero single women, are opting out of marriage completely and settling down with each other in a platonic way. Divorced women are joining them too and co-parenting: https:\/\/youtu.be\/7r-4OiXcLGY<\/a> It\u2019s not that far-fetched. There have always been pockets of female community in Chinese history, like the Samsui women. It\u2019s easy for try to read some repressed homoerotic subtext into it, but I think when times are tough, community is what gets us through it. No matter where you are.","generator":{"id":"tag:gnusocial.jp,2026-06-06:notice-source:ActivityPub","objectType":"application","status_net":{"source_code":"ActivityPub"}},"id":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/users\/dalias\/statuses\/115855917438274691\/activity","object":{"id":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/users\/skinnylatte\/statuses\/115855864221784568","objectType":"note","content":" I\u2019m very thankful that I like and adore my parents, because I know it is my \u2018duty\u2019 to return and provide elder care in a decade or so. There is just no other way around it. <\/p> At the same time, I also feel for my friends, who feel the similar call of \u2018duty\u2019, except far more heavily and unhappily, because their parents were awful to them.<\/p>","url":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/@skinnylatte\/115855864221784568","status_net":{"notice_id":null}},"to":[{"objectType":"http:\/\/activitystrea.ms\/schema\/1.0\/collection","id":"http:\/\/activityschema.org\/collection\/public"}],"status_net":{"conversation":"tag:gnusocial.jp,2026-01-07:objectType=thread:nonce=2b545ecdfafcc9e2","notice_info":{"local_id":"11881777","source":"ActivityPub","repeat_of":"11881674"}},"published":"2026-01-07T21:28:06+00:00","provider":{"objectType":"service","displayName":"GNU social JP","url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/"},"title":"dalias repeated a notice by skinnylatte","verb":"share","url":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/users\/dalias\/statuses\/115855917438274691\/activity"},{"actor":{"id":"https:\/\/beige.party\/users\/onekind","displayName":"Daniel Reeders","status_net":{"avatarLinks":[{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/321434-original-tmp20250124013753.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":400,"height":400},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/321434-96-20250125050629.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":96,"height":96},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/321434-48-20250125050629.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":48,"height":48},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/321434-24-20250125050629.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":24,"height":24}],"profile_info":{"local_id":"321434"}},"image":{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/avatar\/321434-96-20250125050629.webp","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/webp","width":96,"height":96},"objectType":"person","summary":"I'm a queer and nonbinary person with disability. (Here are my pronouns: they\/them; here are my acronyms: #AuDHD, #BP2, #CPTSD). I am sweary and acerbic and occasionally need to remind myself to assume positive intent. I am moderately techie but prefer not to have #FOSS projects recommended to me out of the blue unless you've really taken the time to understand my requirements.","url":"https:\/\/beige.party\/@onekind","portablecontacts_net":{"preferredUsername":"onekind","displayName":"Daniel Reeders","note":"I'm a queer and nonbinary person with disability. (Here are my pronouns: they\/them; here are my acronyms: #AuDHD, #BP2, #CPTSD). I am sweary and acerbic and occasionally need to remind myself to assume positive intent. I am moderately techie but prefer not to have #FOSS projects recommended to me out of the blue unless you've really taken the time to understand my requirements."}},"content":" @skinnylatte<\/a> I'm in the latter category. Morally I know I can't let my folks go through the wringer that is Australia's casualised for-profit aged care sector. But they were so totally disinterested in parenting children \u2014 Dad paid the child support bills and washed his hands of us \u2014 that it feels like salt in the wound having to parent them for 10-20 years. They've lived such atomistic social lives that there is no community for them to call on to support their independent living in older age. I really do think the Asian *ideal* (recognising the practice varies enormously) of ageing in place with family and community support is a preferable response.<\/p>","generator":{"id":"tag:gnusocial.jp,2026-06-06:notice-source:ActivityPub","objectType":"application","status_net":{"source_code":"ActivityPub"}},"id":"https:\/\/beige.party\/users\/onekind\/statuses\/115855891096982332","object":{"id":"https:\/\/beige.party\/users\/onekind\/statuses\/115855891096982332","objectType":"note","content":" @skinnylatte<\/a> I'm in the latter category. Morally I know I can't let my folks go through the wringer that is Australia's casualised for-profit aged care sector. But they were so totally disinterested in parenting children \u2014 Dad paid the child support bills and washed his hands of us \u2014 that it feels like salt in the wound having to parent them for 10-20 years. They've lived such atomistic social lives that there is no community for them to call on to support their independent living in older age. I really do think the Asian *ideal* (recognising the practice varies enormously) of ageing in place with family and community support is a preferable response.<\/p>","url":"https:\/\/beige.party\/@onekind\/115855891096982332","status_net":{"notice_id":null},"inReplyTo":{"objectType":"note","id":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/users\/skinnylatte\/statuses\/115855864221784568","url":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/@skinnylatte\/115855864221784568"}},"to":[{"objectType":"http:\/\/activitystrea.ms\/schema\/1.0\/person","id":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/users\/skinnylatte"},{"objectType":"http:\/\/activitystrea.ms\/schema\/1.0\/collection","id":"http:\/\/activityschema.org\/collection\/public"}],"status_net":{"conversation":"tag:gnusocial.jp,2026-01-07:objectType=thread:nonce=2b545ecdfafcc9e2","notice_info":{"local_id":"11881770","source":"ActivityPub"}},"published":"2026-01-07T21:26:28+00:00","provider":{"objectType":"service","displayName":"GNU social JP","url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/"},"verb":"post","url":"https:\/\/beige.party\/@onekind\/115855891096982332"},{"actor":{"id":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/users\/skinnylatte","displayName":"Adrianna Tan","status_net":{"avatarLinks":[{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/theme\/gnusocialjp\/default-avatar-profile.png","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/png","width":96,"height":96},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/theme\/gnusocialjp\/default-avatar-stream.png","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/png","width":48,"height":48},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/theme\/gnusocialjp\/default-avatar-mini.png","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/png","width":24,"height":24}],"profile_info":{"local_id":"43116"}},"image":{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/theme\/gnusocialjp\/default-avatar-profile.png","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/png","width":96,"height":96},"objectType":"person","summary":"Queer Southeast Asian product manager living in California working on #civictech. Lukewarm takes on tech, food, bicycles, and lots and lots of pet photos.Learning to play jazz piano and saxophone.","url":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/@skinnylatte","portablecontacts_net":{"preferredUsername":"skinnylatte","displayName":"Adrianna Tan","note":"Queer Southeast Asian product manager living in California working on #civictech. Lukewarm takes on tech, food, bicycles, and lots and lots of pet photos.Learning to play jazz piano and saxophone."}},"content":" @onekind<\/a> recently saw a story in Aussie news about a school to teach Aussie men how to cook because their wives died :\/<\/p>","generator":{"id":"tag:gnusocial.jp,2026-06-06:notice-source:ActivityPub","objectType":"application","status_net":{"source_code":"ActivityPub"}},"id":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/users\/skinnylatte\/statuses\/115855929137097157","object":{"id":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/users\/skinnylatte\/statuses\/115855929137097157","objectType":"note","content":" @onekind<\/a> recently saw a story in Aussie news about a school to teach Aussie men how to cook because their wives died :\/<\/p>","url":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/@skinnylatte\/115855929137097157","status_net":{"notice_id":null},"inReplyTo":{"objectType":"note","id":"https:\/\/beige.party\/users\/onekind\/statuses\/115855891096982332","url":"https:\/\/beige.party\/@onekind\/115855891096982332"}},"to":[{"objectType":"http:\/\/activitystrea.ms\/schema\/1.0\/person","id":"https:\/\/beige.party\/users\/onekind"},{"objectType":"http:\/\/activitystrea.ms\/schema\/1.0\/collection","id":"http:\/\/activityschema.org\/collection\/public"}],"status_net":{"conversation":"tag:gnusocial.jp,2026-01-07:objectType=thread:nonce=2b545ecdfafcc9e2","notice_info":{"local_id":"11881771","source":"ActivityPub"}},"published":"2026-01-07T21:26:27+00:00","provider":{"objectType":"service","displayName":"GNU social JP","url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/"},"verb":"post","url":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/@skinnylatte\/115855929137097157"},{"actor":{"id":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/users\/skinnylatte","displayName":"Adrianna Tan","status_net":{"avatarLinks":[{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/theme\/gnusocialjp\/default-avatar-profile.png","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/png","width":96,"height":96},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/theme\/gnusocialjp\/default-avatar-stream.png","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/png","width":48,"height":48},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/theme\/gnusocialjp\/default-avatar-mini.png","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/png","width":24,"height":24}],"profile_info":{"local_id":"43116"}},"image":{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/theme\/gnusocialjp\/default-avatar-profile.png","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/png","width":96,"height":96},"objectType":"person","summary":"Queer Southeast Asian product manager living in California working on #civictech. Lukewarm takes on tech, food, bicycles, and lots and lots of pet photos.Learning to play jazz piano and saxophone.","url":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/@skinnylatte","portablecontacts_net":{"preferredUsername":"skinnylatte","displayName":"Adrianna Tan","note":"Queer Southeast Asian product manager living in California working on #civictech. Lukewarm takes on tech, food, bicycles, and lots and lots of pet photos.Learning to play jazz piano and saxophone."}},"content":" It\u2019s hard to generalize of course, northwest and south asian cultures are very different. Even in talking to south asian friends, I think the idea of greater female independence in some East Asian cultures is fascinating. Unless you\u2019re from a super trad family (and I would honestly be surprised to meet someone like this in Singapore \/ Taiwan \/ HK \/ China), I feel like gender in almost Chinese cultures is just \u2018if you make your own money, go to town\u2019. There\u2019s still other shitty things, but less expectations around what you\u2019re supposed to do as a woman. I think it\u2019s different in Korea and Japan. <\/p> So I\u2019ve personally always felt a sense of \u2018I can do whatever I want as long as I\u2019m financially independent\u2019 but of course there\u2019s still the other unwritten rules of \u2018duty\u2019. But it\u2019s less gender-based, and more \u2018just things you should do to exist in this community\u2019. That said, I am very autistic, so if people are talking shit about me, I don\u2019t know it.<\/p>","generator":{"id":"tag:gnusocial.jp,2026-06-06:notice-source:ActivityPub","objectType":"application","status_net":{"source_code":"ActivityPub"}},"id":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/users\/skinnylatte\/statuses\/115855922428952320","object":{"id":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/users\/skinnylatte\/statuses\/115855922428952320","objectType":"note","content":" It\u2019s hard to generalize of course, northwest and south asian cultures are very different. Even in talking to south asian friends, I think the idea of greater female independence in some East Asian cultures is fascinating. Unless you\u2019re from a super trad family (and I would honestly be surprised to meet someone like this in Singapore \/ Taiwan \/ HK \/ China), I feel like gender in almost Chinese cultures is just \u2018if you make your own money, go to town\u2019. There\u2019s still other shitty things, but less expectations around what you\u2019re supposed to do as a woman. I think it\u2019s different in Korea and Japan. <\/p> So I\u2019ve personally always felt a sense of \u2018I can do whatever I want as long as I\u2019m financially independent\u2019 but of course there\u2019s still the other unwritten rules of \u2018duty\u2019. But it\u2019s less gender-based, and more \u2018just things you should do to exist in this community\u2019. That said, I am very autistic, so if people are talking shit about me, I don\u2019t know it.<\/p>","url":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/@skinnylatte\/115855922428952320","status_net":{"notice_id":null},"inReplyTo":{"objectType":"note","id":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/users\/skinnylatte\/statuses\/115855882087140656","url":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/@skinnylatte\/115855882087140656"}},"to":[{"objectType":"http:\/\/activitystrea.ms\/schema\/1.0\/collection","id":"http:\/\/activityschema.org\/collection\/public"}],"status_net":{"conversation":"tag:gnusocial.jp,2026-01-07:objectType=thread:nonce=2b545ecdfafcc9e2","notice_info":{"local_id":"11881760","source":"ActivityPub"}},"published":"2026-01-07T21:25:11+00:00","provider":{"objectType":"service","displayName":"GNU social JP","url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/"},"verb":"post","url":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/@skinnylatte\/115855922428952320"},{"actor":{"id":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/users\/skinnylatte","displayName":"Adrianna Tan","status_net":{"avatarLinks":[{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/theme\/gnusocialjp\/default-avatar-profile.png","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/png","width":96,"height":96},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/theme\/gnusocialjp\/default-avatar-stream.png","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/png","width":48,"height":48},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/theme\/gnusocialjp\/default-avatar-mini.png","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/png","width":24,"height":24}],"profile_info":{"local_id":"43116"}},"image":{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/theme\/gnusocialjp\/default-avatar-profile.png","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/png","width":96,"height":96},"objectType":"person","summary":"Queer Southeast Asian product manager living in California working on #civictech. Lukewarm takes on tech, food, bicycles, and lots and lots of pet photos.Learning to play jazz piano and saxophone.","url":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/@skinnylatte","portablecontacts_net":{"preferredUsername":"skinnylatte","displayName":"Adrianna Tan","note":"Queer Southeast Asian product manager living in California working on #civictech. Lukewarm takes on tech, food, bicycles, and lots and lots of pet photos.Learning to play jazz piano and saxophone."}},"content":" There\u2019s an interesting model emerging in China where hetero single women, are opting out of marriage completely and settling down with each other in a platonic way. Divorced women are joining them too and co-parenting: https:\/\/youtu.be\/7r-4OiXcLGY<\/a> <\/p> It\u2019s not that far-fetched. There have always been pockets of female community in Chinese history, like the Samsui women. It\u2019s easy for try to read some repressed homoerotic subtext into it, but I think when times are tough, community is what gets us through it. No matter where you are.<\/p>","generator":{"id":"tag:gnusocial.jp,2026-06-06:notice-source:ActivityPub","objectType":"application","status_net":{"source_code":"ActivityPub"}},"id":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/users\/skinnylatte\/statuses\/115855882087140656","object":{"id":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/users\/skinnylatte\/statuses\/115855882087140656","objectType":"note","content":"
(Written in my parent's empty apartment near the nursing home, hoping this will be a night without a phone call).<\/p>","generator":{"id":"tag:gnusocial.jp,2026-06-06:notice-source:ActivityPub","objectType":"application","status_net":{"source_code":"ActivityPub"}},"id":"https:\/\/sueden.social\/users\/virbonus\/statuses\/115856076754353533","object":{"id":"https:\/\/sueden.social\/users\/virbonus\/statuses\/115856076754353533","objectType":"note","content":"
(Written in my parent's empty apartment near the nursing home, hoping this will be a night without a phone call).<\/p>","url":"https:\/\/sueden.social\/@virbonus\/115856076754353533","status_net":{"notice_id":null},"inReplyTo":{"objectType":"note","id":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/users\/skinnylatte\/statuses\/115855864221784568","url":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/@skinnylatte\/115855864221784568"}},"to":[{"objectType":"http:\/\/activitystrea.ms\/schema\/1.0\/person","id":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/users\/skinnylatte"},{"objectType":"http:\/\/activitystrea.ms\/schema\/1.0\/collection","id":"http:\/\/activityschema.org\/collection\/public"}],"status_net":{"conversation":"tag:gnusocial.jp,2026-01-07:objectType=thread:nonce=2b545ecdfafcc9e2","notice_info":{"local_id":"11882006","source":"ActivityPub"}},"published":"2026-01-07T22:08:25+00:00","provider":{"objectType":"service","displayName":"GNU social JP","url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/"},"verb":"post","url":"https:\/\/sueden.social\/@virbonus\/115856076754353533"},{"actor":{"id":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/users\/skinnylatte","displayName":"Adrianna Tan","status_net":{"avatarLinks":[{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/theme\/gnusocialjp\/default-avatar-profile.png","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/png","width":96,"height":96},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/theme\/gnusocialjp\/default-avatar-stream.png","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/png","width":48,"height":48},{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/theme\/gnusocialjp\/default-avatar-mini.png","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/png","width":24,"height":24}],"profile_info":{"local_id":"43116"}},"image":{"url":"https:\/\/gnusocial.jp\/theme\/gnusocialjp\/default-avatar-profile.png","rel":"avatar","type":"image\/png","width":96,"height":96},"objectType":"person","summary":"Queer Southeast Asian product manager living in California working on #civictech. Lukewarm takes on tech, food, bicycles, and lots and lots of pet photos.Learning to play jazz piano and saxophone.","url":"https:\/\/hachyderm.io\/@skinnylatte","portablecontacts_net":{"preferredUsername":"skinnylatte","displayName":"Adrianna Tan","note":"Queer Southeast Asian product manager living in California working on #civictech. Lukewarm takes on tech, food, bicycles, and lots and lots of pet photos.Learning to play jazz piano and saxophone."}},"content":"